for the last 20 years it feels like i have been running away from sad mistakes Ive done. I'm 40 next month i'm alone and have been for a long, long time. I loved this girl and she loved me, it ended when i was 23. I have never loved anybody since and have only had a few relationships in my life.
Over the years I've took lots of drugs and a month ago i had a break down. I'm taking medication for panic attacks and i am seeing a psychologist. I feel totally worthless. I feel unloved and unable to give love. I have regret. I don't want to be alone but I am a mess and wouldn't want to be that boy friend again, the fucked up one.
I once loved my job so much, so much so I moved to Canada to do it. I don't have many friends here even though I've been here for many years. Because of my psychology and the way i am people think i'm miserable and are wary of me. I know this for a fact.
In the last 3 year both my parents have died. I feel guilt for not being there.
I don't want to live like this anymore. I have Regret | |
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LIfe can be cruel sometimes and we all make mistakes but that doesn't mean that we must destroy the rest of our lives regreting for past mistakes. What happened happened, you can't do anything to change that, you can cry for your losses but eventually you may let yourself get over them.
Every creature has feelings of loneliness, a lot of people are without friends, i also don't have any friends at the moment because i moved to a foreign country but that will not stop me to make some new frineds. Nor depression will stop me.
You are already in medication, already seeing a psychologist so you are in a good way of getting better, there's also a lot love in you which needs to be given and you worth to be loved too.
well... You have two choices...
a. continue your life the way it is and feeling miserable
b. look yourself at the mirror and find all the good qualities in you inside and outside, take a decision today to start loving yourself, caring for yourself and respecting yourself. You deserve so much better and you are able to succed and find this personal happiness you long for, ther's no time for regrets, look outside life is running so fast, life can be beautiful if you try.
Your life , your choices.
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