Before I was born my "mom" tried to get an abortion and failed, idk how but she did. When I was born she refused to touch or look at me and said "get that piece of shit away from me, I need a drink and some meth." I was eventualy taken, not even adopted, by my grandparents. I am apparently bipolar, depressed, have insomnia, and am the worst mistake ever. My grandparents have sent me to juvy 3 times for the following reasons... 1. When my grandpa got mad at me for talking back to him he threw me through the sliding glass door so i got up and tackled him to the ground when I saw him reaching for a belt... I had taken enough of his shit. I was arrested for assault. 2.After cleaning the same dam floor probably 10 fucking times and i could use it as a mirrior my mom continued telling me it was dirty without even looking at it, this way i couldnt go do something she wouldnt know about. I eventualy stood up and tossed the windex bottle on the ground and the top broke off resulting in pouring of windex onto the tile. I was arrested for destruction of property. 3. when I my mom was sitting in my room for 4 hours straight telling me how much of a fuck up I was and refused to let me even block her out I told her to shut up, so she grounded me for a month, didnt let me eat for 2 days, and then threw my bed in the garage for a week. a month later she was talking shit again so i punched a hole in the wall and told her to get the fuck out of my room. I was arrested for malicious mischief, destruction of property, and threathing to harm my grandma. Recently I have been cycling between anger, hyper, and depression. somtimes i will beat the living shit out of some kid because hell be talking crap and refusing to stop, saying he would kick my ass any day. other days i will go and try to be normal and play football or something and be ridiculed non stop... Being told im fat and just a fuck since before i was born and that i dont belong with the rest of society.And on other days i have to do all i can to not cry during classes cuz i just cant take everything.Im now a freshman in highschool and to this day have never drank, done drugs, or smoked... hoping that one day i might change and be better... but knowing I never will. I have 1 realy great friend that is always their for me and in fact... if it wasnt for him I would of killed my self... but he found me trying to OD myself and called the cops, my parents thought I would be fine and that it would teach me a lesson if they just left me there.I have only had 1 girlfriend in my life and that was when i was stating to genuinely be happy in life. but like everything else in my life it was a lie and fucked up. I talked to her everyday while she kinda blew me off. I found out 6 months after we broke up that she was pregnant... she had been for 8... she was cheating on me like i should of figured... no on can care about me right? Eventhough all this has gone on im actualy realy smart, in fact in 7th grade i knew more then most sophmores in my city. But no matter how much i know, i will never be a success. This isnt even a little bit of my life but i doubt anyone will read this anyways. So now im just sitting here pissed... wondering what to do, will i finaly stop being afraid and just kill myself? or should i deal with it and stop being a pussy. If i would stop trying to lie to myself and just drink and do drugs like everyone else... would i be happier? IDK what to do, but whatever i cant make mistake thats for sure... cuz everything i do is bad, its imposible for me to do something right.