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Another rant...

Posted by Phattboi/jaysummer/jeb120 at December 19, 2011
Tags: 2011 December  Life Story

Before I was born my "mom" tried to get an abortion and failed, idk how but she did. When I was born she refused to touch or look at me and said "get that piece of shit away from me, I need a drink and some meth." I was eventualy taken, not even adopted, by my grandparents. I am apparently bipolar, depressed, have insomnia, and am the worst mistake ever. My grandparents have sent me to juvy 3 times for the following reasons... 1. When my grandpa got mad at me for talking back to him he threw me through the sliding glass door so i got up and tackled him to the ground when I saw him reaching for a belt... I had taken enough of his shit. I was arrested for assault. 2.After cleaning the same dam floor probably 10 fucking times and i could use it as a mirrior my mom continued telling me it was dirty without even looking at it, this way i couldnt go do something she wouldnt know about. I eventualy stood up and tossed the windex bottle on the ground and the top broke off resulting in pouring of windex onto the tile. I was arrested for destruction of property. 3. when I my mom was sitting in my room for 4 hours straight telling me how much of a fuck up I was and refused to let me even block her out I told her to shut up, so she grounded me for a month, didnt let me eat for 2 days, and then threw my bed in the garage for a week. a month later she was talking shit again so i punched a hole in the wall and told her to get the fuck out of my room. I was arrested for malicious mischief, destruction of property, and threathing to harm my grandma. Recently I have been cycling between anger, hyper, and depression. somtimes i will beat the living shit out of some kid because hell be talking crap and refusing to stop, saying he would kick my ass any day. other days i will go and try to be normal and play football or something and be ridiculed non stop... Being told im fat and just a fuck since before i was born and that i dont belong with the rest of society.And on other days i have to do all i can to not cry during classes cuz i just cant take everything.Im now a freshman in highschool and to this day have never drank, done drugs, or smoked... hoping that one day i might change and be better... but knowing I never will. I have 1 realy great friend that is always their for me and in fact... if it wasnt for him I would of killed my self... but he found me trying to OD myself and called the cops, my parents thought I would be fine and that it would teach me a lesson if they just left me there.I have only had 1 girlfriend in my life and that was when i was stating to genuinely be happy in life. but like everything else in my life it was a lie and fucked up. I talked to her everyday while she kinda blew me off. I found out 6 months after we broke up that she was pregnant... she had been for 8... she was cheating on me like i should of figured... no on can care about me right? Eventhough all this has gone on im actualy realy smart, in fact in 7th grade i knew more then most sophmores in my city. But no matter how much i know, i will never be a success. This isnt even a little bit of my life but i doubt anyone will read this anyways. So now im just sitting here pissed... wondering what to do, will i finaly stop being afraid and just kill myself? or should i deal with it and stop being a pussy. If i would stop trying to lie to myself and just drink and do drugs like everyone else... would i be happier? IDK what to do, but whatever i cant make mistake thats for sure... cuz everything i do is bad, its imposible for me to do something right.


Votes:


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Comments:
By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 11:21

I wish she would have succeeded with her abortion. It would have saved me from reading your post.
By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 12:18

HEEHEEE

- from the simulator


By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 13:08

i read your post don't know how long ago you wrote it. i don't think you will always be nothing especially if you are smart go to your teachers and get all the help ;you can do college classes after school and on days off to get ahead graduate early you could end up rich and famous just cause your smart all you need is a little encouragement . people are inherently mean and rude its the way of life but everyone is not like that i am not like that i have a big heart and will be anyone's friend. i am a adult female i have a large family four children all grown now who have their own children as they were growing up it seems we always had someone else s kids living with us that the parents couldn't deal with but the kids were fine with me and my husband. we are hard workers we have nice things but we always worked hard to get the things we wanted in life would like to win the lotto to be easier but that's a chance and i have never been lucky so just worked hard my husband is a contractor and i do cleaning for people. i opened a Christmas store two times but this year could not as the economy is so bad last year was a disaster have a few collectors bugging me cuz i owe money but ill get through it and pay when i can they don't bother me its all life and crap happens just take it with a grin. i wasn't beautiful as a teenager had funky teeth. but as i got older i looked better. my grandson lives with me his father is a real piece of work married some chick from another country, she is illegal he now has two sons with her so told my grandson cant be his father has a new family. imaging that. so we are his father and his mother tries hard but its too hard for her so we do what we can. the father cheated on her while she was pregnant with my grandson. i told you people aren't nice but what goes around comes around. if you ever want to talk my email is susand190@aol.com
By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 13:11

oh and the simulator, you are one of those people who i said are inherently mean you have issues yourself to write that what an idiot what is your education third grade and how are you being raised. people have real problems in life so you shouldn't put them down for it. god look in the mirror, where is y;our heart . oh well people like you cant be helped but i could tell you a few things about the bible that would scare the pants off you


By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 15:21

i see you passed through a lot of troubles in your life but all these show how strong person you really are.
There's no need to take drugs or alcohol this may get you in worse troubles.
You said you are in high school, so all your life is in front of you, life starts now, every day you can make a new start and with a little patience you can achieve everything you long for. There's no need to be hard with yourself, there are plenty of ways you can find help and support, on the internet, from your teachers your friends but you have to take the responsibility of yoursef and search everything on your own.
For some people life is harder but these people have more chances to succeed than enayone else because they are fighters.
it's up to you what you will do in your life, past is done you can't change that so get over it and loive your life now.
You can find psychological help or anything else you may need easily and for free, everyone goes through ups and downs especially now with this economic crisis. I believe that you can succeed.


By Mentality is all you need. at 21,Jan,12 04:29

Happiness is a form of mind set, if you believe you are happy you can achieve this. As I admit you don't have the best of a life, but a lot of us have bad lives as well. I am happy all the time, because I seek happiness for myself and no one else. When you wake up in the morning one day and you are like wow, I can do all this and everyone else can't, that is a huge step. Knowing what you can do is a good advantage for being happy, excel on that and on a daily basis find something that makes you happy. I'd be damned if I let a bunch of idiots control my life when I am the one holding the reigns.
By holy shit at 21,Jan,12 05:00

that is the best damn advice ive ever heard


By anonymous at 21,Jan,12 07:42

your full of shit


By Viper at 21,Jan,12 23:31

OPEN YOUR MOUTH so i can SIT on it and DEFECATE..


By anonymous at 29,Jan,12 17:59

your mom is shit funny dude!
''get that piece of shit away from me, I need a drink and some meth''
you gotta love white trash :D


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