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I am not liked at all

Posted by dodo777 at December 19, 2011
Tags: Abuse  2011 December  Family  Health

I have always sufferd from bad nerves and stress because as a child my dad abused me violently.He would beat me just for breathing as he put it.Later on in life I got in trouble with police.I was aqngry and had these strange attacks were I would lose it.I was dianosed with post dramatic stress.Ithought when i was told that only people in war got this.Anyway as time went by I had a son who I love sooo much and wanted him to have the love I never had well it all turned out horrible now my son is like me keep to his self gets nasty very quick and have self harmed I feel so sad and gutted I give him what I can but I am sick.He smokes dope 24/7 and I cant keep giving I am freezing now while he is over his mums playing on the xbox all smoking dope and I am here under a quilt feeling I want to die.All my life I have been in shit street and I cant see anyway out of it.He blames me for having a crap life but he will not do any thing to help his self.I have always put him first but I think its starting to get me down to the point of suicide.The only thing that has kept me going these last few months is meditating.I know it sounds strange but it has given me a kind of peace that i never had before.I eat so much chocolate because that I have an eating problem and cant eat solids.I was also diagnosed with personality disorder which now makes sense as I have always had trouble in relationships.Only a small few people talk to me as i have such a bad rep.I would love to start over but dont know how.Any ideas would be welcomed.I have got a bad rep some would say karma is having me back but if thats the case why was I beingf punished when I was 7 thats when it all started I can remember before that and as a family then all was great.What went wrong I dont know but my mother stayed with my dad for 30 years and it was a battle ground violence and stabbings was the norm.I wish people could be more understanding.I am when I here of some body doing some thing bad and crazy I always think what happend to that person to commit a horrible act.O well might let you know what I decide to do soon.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 11:11

Stop being obese and lose weight, you're gross.
By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 21:06

Troll


By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 11:13

Post-dramatic? Stop being dramatic... Problem solved.


By anonymous at 20,Jan,12 11:32

May God the only true source of comfort be to you all you need in this life & the next


By anonymous at 21,Jan,12 05:02

ask JESUS for help the next time you are meditating. it will not disappoint i think.


By anonymous at 21,Jan,12 13:29

as I sit here and read what everyone feels like they have the right to say to this persons life.. I know we are just reading and typing away, but what if this persons problems are real.. they come here to vent.. and all you people have to say is something negative.. you people make me sick.... listen hun if you are unhappy with your life there is only one thing you can do.. and thats called making some changes.. take the ones who are putting you down out of your life.. do things that you always wanted to do but couldn't... make yourself feel good.. life is to short and you have to be selfish at times... no one is putting you first so why should you... live and let live


By anonymous at 21,Jan,12 20:20

These people make u sick??? Then that means u make yourself sick because YOU also say negative things here you BIATCH!!!!!!!!


By anonymous at 07,Feb,12 01:44

Keep meditating and asking god for help. Also, tell your son never to have kids. It will just cause more needless suffering. If people stopped having kids no one would suffer.


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