Im 20 years old and my life...kinda of sucks..
Recently i was diagnosed with pcos and the doctors up in canada jusf want tomput me on the pill.
Somif i go on the pill my body will think its preggo and gain more weight, also it will give me the hormones i need to get pregenent, part of pcos is not having the proper female hormones, the pill would make me a normal girl with proper hormones. But i would get fatter...
I also have insulin resistance which means if i eat anything i gain weight. My body think it is starving all the time and puts it all to fat. I eat 500calories a day and still gain weight. I ate cucumber and tomatoe salads and still did not drop weight. I tried doing soccer for 5 years, horseback riding and only gained weight.
My pcos makes me grow hair in places where i should not, like my face and back and i get pimples because of it. My face has so many scars from the hairs that grow incorrectly, my chest and back have scars. My periods are painful and never ln time sometimes in dont get them for a whole month. On top of that im am getting male pattern baldness...im losing hair on my head.
Im am a single child of a single parent. I was constantly bullied through out school, including kindergarden and preschool daycare. My father was never there and always blamed me as a kid for not phoning him and seeing him. His current wife mentally abused me once when i was sick with pneumonia yelling at me and calling me ungrateful because my dad did so many things for me blah blah....he was never there, never phoned, never even sent me a card for my bday.
I recently tried to be good and ask him if i could come down to see my half brother for christmas but he pretended that i never asked and ignored me.
My mother in 2003 was the victim of a car accident and it completly put her out of work, for 6 years we fought with icbc to get them to pay. They did but it was enough, it was only enough for 2 years and she still has not gotten any better. Health insurance refuses to pay because she is not disabled enough. And now we are going to lose out townhouse in 6months because we have run out of money. There are no jobs for a dental hygenist where we live, too many ppl on the market right now. Shes out of a job. Im tried to get a job but as a student they take away whatever i make off of my student loan...so im screwed.
We only grocery shop ever two weeks and live off of 120$ of groceries...which is not much for two people. Prices in the stores have gone up.
Last semester in school i had a stalker and he threatened to kill me in front of my friends and security. But the police let him off with a warning and the dorms kicked him out. But he still goes to school there. So i went to a different school this semester, but my teachers pretty much are failing me even though i am b student.
My bestfriend ditched me last semester because i had a crush on a guy and she completly made unessisary drama. This was during finals. I tried to get drunk to forget it but i didnt get drunk at all, not even after a mickey of vodka, 3 barcardi breezers...so that failed. The next day the stalker threatened me. And 3 hours later i had my japanese final to do...i didnt sleep at all because i was scared.
In a nut shell
So on top of all of that stuff..i just feel...really worn out.
I dont drink, that was only time in my life that i tried to get drunk .
I dont smoke or do drugs.
I dont have any escapes
I dont have any money
I cant get a job
I dont have any friends
My body is hairy and i have horrible scars
Its christmas
My mother is sick and jobless
And in 6 months we are losing the townhouse.
My dad is an asshole
I have pcos and insulin resistance
Im bored, overtired and cant sleep
I cant eat healthy without getting fat..
....im screwed......why....what did i do to make this happen? | |
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