I really wish I never was born, and my father always reminds me of that saying that he never wanted that I, my two brothers and a sister were born and it was my mother that wanted to have us. In the begining we didn't even have a house, we lived in a boat that a friend of my dad made a deal for him, until now we still don't have a house, we live in houses borrowed by my dad's job.
My father always cheated on my mother and everyone knew, my mother still managed to remain with him for 21 years of marriage because she would be apart from us if she didn't.
My father has an good job, but he doesn't care about any of us, he would rather spend all of his money with prostitutes than help us with anything, because of that, even tough we should be fine in life, me and my siblings live trough dificulties, many times we didn't even had anything to eat, I had my friends secretly giving me food, because parents didn't want anyone finding how we really lived, my parents didn't buy clothing, some family faraway would send us some that ppl left in churches, while this happened my dad was living it big.
Because I moved a lot due to my fathers job i never had friends, usually I was bullied and called names.
In my teen years I tought a lot about suicide, but since my mother started to get sick I knew I had to be by her side and take care of my siblings. Once she was so sick that the doctors said she wouldn't make it trough the night, and she laid all the responsability of raising my siblings in me, I was 16. I didn't wanted it, so I hoped she made it through the night, fortunately she did, but I still had to take care for my family.
I wanted to become a doctor to save lives, and I tought that since my father had a really good job, that he would help me. I studied very hard and had the best grades even tough I always had to wake up at 6 am and take an hour trip in bus to school, get back and do everything in my house, even help my siblings that never gave a shit until now for everything I endured for them.
Anyways, when I finished 12 grade I said I wanted to go college to my father and he said I should work instead of dreaming, and that he couldn't help me 'cause he didn't have the money, but he had, he just didn't want to spend it with me.
I gave up on my dream of going to med school, I chose a degree close to what I wanted and cheaper, and an uncle from far helped me paying tuition and I went to work too.
I was in my second year of college when my father's job demanded that we went to another location, my mother decided to stay with me since I couldn't move because of my studies and my siblings stayed with us, while my father left.
In the first month my father was way, my mother got a lover and totally lost her mind, she spend all the little money my father gave her to take care of us.
And then she also started hating us, me and my siblings once again had to endure difficulties because of my parents. When my mother started beating my sister i made a complaint to social services, and my mother decided to leave us, and she did. She was for a long time, my one and only friend, and now we can't stand each other, I don't talk with her, it has been two years now.
When she left, my father finally started helping us, and it was the best year of my life till now, all I had to do was study, work, take care of my siblings and had time to be with my boyfriend and my friends from college, and live a normal life. I was so happy.
But I life in Portugal and things are really hard, I can't keep a job for more than 6 months, cause they never extend our contracts, I have a degree, but there aren't any jobs for us, our taxes are so high that my father made us leave were we were to be with him.
Now I'm faraway from everyone I know, there isn't anybody from my age, cause everyone who can leave this place, I would too, but I can't find a job. My father treats me like a housekeeper. He only gives us the minimum possible, and we're basically livin' out of other ppl's pitty.
I really hope I get a job and leave, never to go back. But no matter how hard i work it seems to no avail, and nobody supports me.
If I were to kill myself, I would definitely blame my parents, I always worked hard and gave my best, and always helped them with everything, and all I see is that i'm 22 and no light at the end of the tunnel.
oh well... it's not my fault i was born, so why do my parents blame us for being born?