I am stricken time and time again with agonizingly painful sicknesses, I have been since I was just 9 years old. Becoming crippled from a tumor, being able to regain all function in my lower body. And due to my spine crushing my lungs, I will most likely have a surgery done that will reverse it all and put me back in that blasted chair. I have looked for hope in everything possible, family, God/religion. But the pain never goes away, even with my loving family beside me. A strong part of me wishes for my body to just give out already so I do not have to endure such agony. But I must fight to live so my family doesn't suffer when I pass. I long for death so much, perhaps the Christians are right and I may be able to gain access to this heaven, if they are wrong then maybe I may find peace somehow, or somewhere.
No matter what I decide, I will lose. Either I let my body destroy itself, as I have been doing for some time, and bring great sadness to my family. Or I fight for life, and live my life bound to a chair once again. I am not sure I can emotionally handle losing my ability to walk and feel my legs, for the second time.
This is why life sucks for me, and everyone I meet gains a share of my pain. Anyone I become close to and begins to care for me, also burdens my pain as well. I feel like I am just a living plague, one day my life will cease, no matter what. And on that day, I shall find that which I have been looking for as long as I can remember, true peace.
For additional information, I have been going through this for 7 years, and will be until the day I die. Fact is, I can never escape this pain. | |
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