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Unluck of the Draw

Posted by anonymous at December 27, 2011
Tags: 2011 December  Health

I am stricken time and time again with agonizingly painful sicknesses, I have been since I was just 9 years old. Becoming crippled from a tumor, being able to regain all function in my lower body. And due to my spine crushing my lungs, I will most likely have a surgery done that will reverse it all and put me back in that blasted chair. I have looked for hope in everything possible, family, God/religion. But the pain never goes away, even with my loving family beside me. A strong part of me wishes for my body to just give out already so I do not have to endure such agony. But I must fight to live so my family doesn't suffer when I pass. I long for death so much, perhaps the Christians are right and I may be able to gain access to this heaven, if they are wrong then maybe I may find peace somehow, or somewhere.

No matter what I decide, I will lose. Either I let my body destroy itself, as I have been doing for some time, and bring great sadness to my family. Or I fight for life, and live my life bound to a chair once again. I am not sure I can emotionally handle losing my ability to walk and feel my legs, for the second time.

This is why life sucks for me, and everyone I meet gains a share of my pain. Anyone I become close to and begins to care for me, also burdens my pain as well. I feel like I am just a living plague, one day my life will cease, no matter what. And on that day, I shall find that which I have been looking for as long as I can remember, true peace.

For additional information, I have been going through this for 7 years, and will be until the day I die. Fact is, I can never escape this pain.


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Similar Entries:
Really messed up December 7, 2011
unluck September 7, 2011
Dont know where to turn November 30, 2011
my life is shit December 30, 2009
An incompetent fool April 22, 2012



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Comments:
By anonymous at 26,Jan,12 01:15

Get a good doctor at a cancer center immediately. Just do it.


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