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I gave up on everything.

Posted by Kevin at April 8, 2010
Tags: 2010 April  Attitude  Sexuality

why my life sucks....
alright,when i was about 12 years old i found out i'm gay. Junior high and high school was a nightmare, the kids were laughing at me because of that. At the age of 17 the principal called my folks cos a teacher caught me with my bf smoking weed and kissing in the toilets. So my dad threw me out of the house(havent seen him after that, im 22 now). No graduation, no college. I moved to a bigger city and worked as a waiter in bars for one year and as a barman in clubs the following year. All the guys i met by that time were as----es, just had fun with me and then left. So i decided that sex is not pleasure but just a way to make money, and since the salary in a club is not enough, i moved to a bigger city and managed to work for a gay-porn company. I worked for them for 2 years and meanwhile worked as a barman occasionaly. And after that a psychological breakdown came, when i realised my life so far. Had to quit drugs and therefore i started eating as a horse and drinking more and more alcohol. Today, i dont believe in people anymore, i dont believe in love, i totally gave up on everything, alcohol and food plus quiting the gym a long time ago, began to make me look fat, i work in a small bookshop just to make a living, its a job i hate. All alone, dissapointed with my past and expecting nothing from my future. Hmmm, my future.... It could have been brilliant, but on Sunday i turn 23 and i feel like 73 already. i destroyed my psychology and my looks with my so far lifestyle. The few people that once loved me R not part of my life anymore.... That's it, my life officially sucks.


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