It has been a year since i last post in this website.
Last time I said i wish to kill myself because of my terrible family, my backstabbing classmates/friends and now just some people in my memory that i wish to forget, my pitiful love life and me who never went to college.
Well it did not happen. Something great has happened though still i wud say my life sucks.
I will write here a summary of what happened to me from last year when i last post here.
Well at that time i was very weak because all the people around me made me so. everybody keeps bullying me and keeps telling me i am worthless, useless and they laugh at me after that. During the month of february thats 2011, i spend all my night thinking. i was reviewing all my sad and terrible past. and with those memories i have discovered something that i believe would help me escape this limbo. In my past i have proved that when im alone i can achieve great and unique things. You know when someone stares at me when im working on something i lost my focus and i cant work perfectly but when im alone i can. And also my old classmates(no longer my friends) keeps telling me at that time that i always think nonsense and i later realize they were wrong. My imagination is perfect( i am not crazy).
Soon after that i tried to talk alone, play alone, do everything alone and it makes me feel fine. Then i started to plan and pursue my dreams. My plan was to have my revenge on those who ruined my life. But before that i must have money so i need a job that needs knowledge so i can have a suitable job for me. Everyday i begun to study more about computers(more about programming coz i want to be a programmer) and i was able to learn modding video games and i love it though its kinda hard and takes a lot of time.
During that time my family is still the same. they always mess with me but this time i fight back. I am no longer the old weak me. I let my anger flow through me(i always hid my anger and hate inside me before) and i released it all though i was not on rage. My mother saw it on me and she soon realize how i hate her, how i hate them all. From that moment on she change on the way he treat me, she speaks to me now as a mother, a good mother. But i did not forgive her. i will not.
after few months i became adept in programming while learning alone. Then something good has happened. My name was on the list of the government's lucky 200 who will have a 4 year scholarship on college. THAT CHANGES ALMOST EVERYTHING!!!!!!!! At first i was shocked and felt not ready. My parents, brothers, sisters are happy too because they will get rid of me and send me to college without wasting any money. Well fuck them all!!
I have chosen computer science as my course. And i have chosen a school which is about a 100 km far from my home. since then i seldomly go home and i felt i am a few more step closer to victory! Now i am the top1 student in my class which is just my dream before!! if that dream did came true then what about the others? so i will never give up on my dream. I always believe that i can someday be one of those great persons in history. I believe in destiny and i can feel mine is significant to this world.
About my love life, well still the same. last time i promised to stop my self from loving some one and it did work,just for about 4 months. Soon then i fell inlove with a girl. I courted her and i found out that she has someone already in her heart and they have a child damn it!!!!!! That was very stupid me and i blamed myself. if i shud not love i will not feel hurt inside. yet again i fell in love again afterwards but i was not able to court her. She was very beautiful and she has a nice smile when she looks at me. i tried to get close to her but it seems she is moving away from me but she speaks nicely when im near her. I tried texting her yet i got no replies until now! I then realize the truth that she doesnt like me and i am now training myself to forget her and forget everything about love. Right now i am practicing myself not to love. I will just have to focus on my dreams
I was once a loyal servant of god and now im not. I dont believe on him but i believe in a god. A god can be any of us. A god is a smart and a strong leader(evil or good) who has many followers who worship him and that's i will become hopefully.
i might sound too ambitious and i dont care anything you say against me. My experiences defines who i am right now. Those who made my life miserable will pay. After I have all the power, i will make them all suffer, not by death coz i dont want to kill anybdy. I just want them to feel how i feel to what they did to me. I maybe evil but who is more evil? the good who became evil or the good? who made him evil. They made me evil and the evil they have created will be the one to destroy them i promise that.
My heart is full of hate and anger. i dont want to feel happiness and love. i barely hang out with my classmates now and im more focus on my studies coz i dont want to fail again.
Life still sucks but once i graduate in college my revenge will be inevitable. | |
May your revenge in whatever form it may come in be bitter sweet.
So that not only they taste the power you have, but also you yourself with your own hands.
Once u'll learn how to forgive one,that time only u'll get actual power,
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