It hurts to feel so alone.
I moved to America 3 years ago, I was sure my life are going to be amazing. I have the skills and the motivation to be a good worker and so, I found a job pretty fast and got settled and content within a few months.
And then..I looked around.
Im 23 and I work with 40+ people due to the nature of my profession, it's uncommon to find people my age in what I do. My only friend is my roommate and you know how that is.
2 years in my very young hip town and I'm lonely. Weekends are always at home, haven't seen a movie in years, I read book mostly and parties...yeah...right.
I was never shy, never! But when I came here...gosh..everyone look different from me, and my accent..is different (Middle eastern) I just lost al, my confidence! And I was a bartender, a model and a dancer back home, I'm a fitness freak and to be honest I look darn good. It's not the attention I'm lacking...it's the friends and a partner. Someone who will get to know more then just a beer.
Im frustrated, my roommate says I'm a powerful woman and I'm intimidating and I say wtf ok? I'm 5'9 fine, I get it that I'm tall, but why do I always feel stupid when open my mouth! Like I got nothing useful to say. Better be quiet if you got nothing wise to add right?
I'm alone, lonely and...Im sad.
This is not the life I imagined to myself. This can't be a phase. It's been 3 years, I'm tired of talking to my snickers when I run, and tired of talking to my pc at work. Done. But as hard as I try..I come back home alone, I'm the genius who can solve a puzzle in a day but just cant stop making a fool out of herself.
Is this it?
This is life? | |
You live in a young , hip , town. You probably need to find a way to YELL OUT LOUD , until someone catches on to your uniqueness and forces you out of your shell or gives you enough confidence to come out on your own.... coz I"m guessing , you have a lot to talk about to someone who would listen. check out some of the local papers for meeting events that interest you (poetry, music, dance , hiking , running , anything ) and show up , often , until people start recognizing you. meetup.org is a good site to check out too.. I hope you find your way.
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