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It Hurts.

Posted by mia at January 7, 2012
Tags: 2012 January  Loneliness

It hurts to feel so alone.

I moved to America 3 years ago, I was sure my life are going to be amazing. I have the skills and the motivation to be a good worker and so, I found a job pretty fast and got settled and content within a few months.

And then..I looked around.

Im 23 and I work with 40+ people due to the nature of my profession, it's uncommon to find people my age in what I do. My only friend is my roommate and you know how that is.

2 years in my very young hip town and I'm lonely. Weekends are always at home, haven't seen a movie in years, I read book mostly and parties...yeah...right.

I was never shy, never! But when I came here...gosh..everyone look different from me, and my accent..is different (Middle eastern) I just lost al, my confidence! And I was a bartender, a model and a dancer back home, I'm a fitness freak and to be honest I look darn good. It's not the attention I'm lacking...it's the friends and a partner. Someone who will get to know more then just a beer.

Im frustrated, my roommate says I'm a powerful woman and I'm intimidating and I say wtf ok? I'm 5'9 fine, I get it that I'm tall, but why do I always feel stupid when open my mouth! Like I got nothing useful to say. Better be quiet if you got nothing wise to add right?

I'm alone, lonely and...Im sad.
This is not the life I imagined to myself. This can't be a phase. It's been 3 years, I'm tired of talking to my snickers when I run, and tired of talking to my pc at work. Done. But as hard as I try..I come back home alone, I'm the genius who can solve a puzzle in a day but just cant stop making a fool out of herself.

Is this it?
This is life?


Votes:


Similar Entries:
The only alien on the planet April 10, 2012
my life and love hurts more! February 28, 2011
she.. May 22, 2010
Heartbroken April 16, 2012
Broken heart January 1, 2012



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Comments:
By anonymous at 03,Feb,12 01:00

If you are , admittedly , a tall ...model/dancer/fitness freak , the attention you are bound to get , must eventually lead to enough "dates" that land you a keeper. If you are not getting enough attention that you should expect , you may need to figure out how to make yourself more approachable .. 5ft 9 , exotic and a fitness freak can limit the approach of some decent people (who you may not have a great attraction for ) but may make for good friends , and a social circle , that will help you find what you want , and deserve. A smile , and a little flirting , can go along way . I'm sure someone would be happy to have you as a movie date.
You live in a young , hip , town. You probably need to find a way to YELL OUT LOUD , until someone catches on to your uniqueness and forces you out of your shell or gives you enough confidence to come out on your own.... coz I"m guessing , you have a lot to talk about to someone who would listen. check out some of the local papers for meeting events that interest you (poetry, music, dance , hiking , running , anything ) and show up , often , until people start recognizing you. meetup.org is a good site to check out too.. I hope you find your way.


By anonymous at 01,May,13 11:23

Try meetup.com in your area. Its a great way to meet all kinds of people of the same and opposite sex. I met my boyfriend that way at a meetup park concert. He came and sat down next to me and that was that.....Good luck!


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