I have spent the last 3 years working 60-90 hrs a week trying to become a chef in grueling, stressful environments with horrible people and mostly horrible food. 6 months ago I finally landed a job in fine dining, but I moved up quickly under odd circumstances, and even though I tried really hard and volunteered every time they needed someone to work a 6th 11-13 hr day, i failed because I just wasn't fast enough to cut the cake. I got into a car accident last week, and since I blew slightly over the limit, it was labeled a DUI. I also got slammed with possession of marijuana and paraphernalia. Even though I'm the 6th person from work this year to have gotten one, I got laid off for it and had to move back in with my family. The house is tiny, so I have to live on a couch in our unheated storage room. My brother and sister both hate me and say the most hurtful things they can think of on a daily basis. I went job hunting, but my face is a mess from my car wreck so no one even looks at my resume before telling me they aren't hiring. It's going to heal, but it's humiliating in the meantime. I just went through a horribly drawn out, tragic, messy break up with the guy I've liked and been best friends with for 7 hrs and dated for 3 because we didn't want the same things in life, and the guy I like now lives a thousand miles away and is only interested in friendship with me. My personality sucks I think, but no matter how much I try to fix it, I can only conclude that it isn't getting any better because of the way people respond to me. I've been trying the kindness and positivity approach for the past year, and no one likes me because they think I'm fake. But when I'm cynical and pessimistic, everyone hates me for being negative. When my face isn't all banged up, I'm a really pretty girl, I have great features, I'm 5' 4" and 125 lbs with long brown hair, but because I am so incredibly socially awkward, it only really serves to confuse those around me, because I don't look like I should be as lame as i am. My mom and dad love me and they're nice to me, but I know I endlessly disappoint them and they always have to bail me out of the trouble I get myself into via my own actions or my poor assessment of other people's character. my brother thinks I'm lazy, which hurts my feelings because for the last 3 years I haven't seen anyone because of how hard I've been working trying unsuccessfully to make something of myself. Even my grandmother refers to me as the family failure and comments how it shocks and baffles her how my aunt and uncles kids can all hack it in real life and all I do is sink. My friends have completely abandoned me, including the ones I really broke my back for in their hours of need, except for the guy I want more than a friendship from who lives, again, over a thousand miles away. I really really really hate my life, and I don't understand how I can work so hard and get so little out of it that I'm actually going backwards. I've never seen or heard of that before. I amaze myself with my ability to fail as no woman has ever failed before.