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My life is an exercise in futility

Posted by SomeoneShootMe at January 7, 2012
Tags: Bad Luck  Friendship  2012 January  Job

I have spent the last 3 years working 60-90 hrs a week trying to become a chef in grueling, stressful environments with horrible people and mostly horrible food. 6 months ago I finally landed a job in fine dining, but I moved up quickly under odd circumstances, and even though I tried really hard and volunteered every time they needed someone to work a 6th 11-13 hr day, i failed because I just wasn't fast enough to cut the cake. I got into a car accident last week, and since I blew slightly over the limit, it was labeled a DUI. I also got slammed with possession of marijuana and paraphernalia. Even though I'm the 6th person from work this year to have gotten one, I got laid off for it and had to move back in with my family. The house is tiny, so I have to live on a couch in our unheated storage room. My brother and sister both hate me and say the most hurtful things they can think of on a daily basis. I went job hunting, but my face is a mess from my car wreck so no one even looks at my resume before telling me they aren't hiring. It's going to heal, but it's humiliating in the meantime. I just went through a horribly drawn out, tragic, messy break up with the guy I've liked and been best friends with for 7 hrs and dated for 3 because we didn't want the same things in life, and the guy I like now lives a thousand miles away and is only interested in friendship with me. My personality sucks I think, but no matter how much I try to fix it, I can only conclude that it isn't getting any better because of the way people respond to me. I've been trying the kindness and positivity approach for the past year, and no one likes me because they think I'm fake. But when I'm cynical and pessimistic, everyone hates me for being negative. When my face isn't all banged up, I'm a really pretty girl, I have great features, I'm 5' 4" and 125 lbs with long brown hair, but because I am so incredibly socially awkward, it only really serves to confuse those around me, because I don't look like I should be as lame as i am. My mom and dad love me and they're nice to me, but I know I endlessly disappoint them and they always have to bail me out of the trouble I get myself into via my own actions or my poor assessment of other people's character. my brother thinks I'm lazy, which hurts my feelings because for the last 3 years I haven't seen anyone because of how hard I've been working trying unsuccessfully to make something of myself. Even my grandmother refers to me as the family failure and comments how it shocks and baffles her how my aunt and uncles kids can all hack it in real life and all I do is sink. My friends have completely abandoned me, including the ones I really broke my back for in their hours of need, except for the guy I want more than a friendship from who lives, again, over a thousand miles away. I really really really hate my life, and I don't understand how I can work so hard and get so little out of it that I'm actually going backwards. I've never seen or heard of that before. I amaze myself with my ability to fail as no woman has ever failed before.


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New Comment

By at 02,Feb,12 23:53

Aloha! zju

By anonymous at 03,Feb,12 01:28

Well that is a definitely a few shitty moments in time , accident - dui - mj issue , forced unemployment and whatnot. That has to knock you back a bit regardless of your self-assessment ...BUT ....You say your parents do truly love you are a hard worker , you are attractive. Well thats a fair foundation to work off of ... brush yourself off and start again. I'm personally quite partial to pretty , yet awkward females, it kinda allows me to feel confident in approach. Generally you find them , not quite so awkward (or lame) as you say , when you get to know them. We are all so alike , in so many ways , it just takes some time or initiative to notice it. Don't be so hard on yourself, you need to be your own best friend , and be the last one in the world that beats on you. There are petty and shallow people in the world that may judge you on any imperfect response or act , but for the most part, most people don't notice or even care as much as you may think. There are times where you should be intentionally oblivious to perceived reactions to innocuous situations. If your joke about someones dead grandmother doesnt go over well ; maybe take that seriously , but if your small talk or routine conversation doesnt seem to "take" the way you expect , gloss over it.. I'm sure there are worse mishaps in your future to worry about Hang in there.... you will probably be fine. :-)

By anonymous at 03,Feb,12 05:35

if i was the guy you liked, i'd probably find a way to move closer to you, or for you to move closer to me.....everything is so much easier when you have someone there with you.....go out and find a guy you think is kind-of a dork, a big hopeless nerd, someone who you can approach easily and be friends with.....seems like every chick i meet only wants mr. brad fucking pitt, but they fail to see a diamond in the rough, even when he's right in front of them.....if there is anything about you that isn't super modern and flashy, this world will enjoy chewing you up and spitting you out....seems the only ones who progress and the ones who have no problem cutting another persons throat to get what they want....the liars, cheaters, theives,'s extremely obvious behavior like that is rewarded, because being honest, caring, loyal, faithful pretty much only labels you a chump these makes me sick....btw, i'm 32 years old, 5'10" 190lbs, white guy, wide shouldered and have always been very athletic, but when it comes to being mr. outgoing, it's just not me.....i'm fairly quiet (thanks to a ridiculous southern accent) least until you get to know me, then i open up.....when i go out with my friends, every chick we meet will walk right past me to get with the guy who's the most flashy or loud....even when the friends i'm out with are fat or halfway feminine.....don't really understanfd why girls like guys who have more pink shirts and a bigger vagina than they do, but whatthefuckever.....i know that no girl out there wants a project, they just want to gain status with their other girl friends by seeing who can train the biggest doing so, they give their hearts, mind and body to people they KNOW will hurt and bullshit them in the i'm saying to you, try the other side of the spectrum....go out and meet someone who wants to be part of a team with you......go find someone who will love you simply because of the fact that he'll never be able to do any will find a true partner who would happily walk through fire with you, and will never leave when the going gets tough.....pretty much no matter what you go through from that point forward, you won't have to do it alone, and two is always better than one.

By anonymous at 03,Feb,12 21:54

Well, lady, you may think you want something 'more than a friend' but at this time in your life, you need a heavy relationship like a hole in the head. And as a woman, if you get into one, there's always the possibility of ending up with a child to further complicate your life. A good friend now would be a lot of help to you in getting your act together, not least because you won't be burdened with being self-conscious around him.

Getting a DUI and some trouble over a little pot is no big deal; it's not as if you got busted for armed robbery. Don't forget: most of our rich politicians' families made their fortunes during Prohibition running liquor. Whilst your face is healing up, study some things that interest you. There are a lot of really strange things going on in the world lately. Get onto some alternative news sites and find out about them. Trust me, there's enough to get interested in to distract you from any depression. Then call up your long-distance friend and see what he knows about it. You need other things to think about that are more interesting than beating up on yourself. Trust me: the world will give them to you if you look.

By anonymous at 09,Feb,12 15:35

Stop giving a f*ck what other people think so much and you'll be alright. Stop trying to be nice to "friends", let them go. I ain't telling you nothing you don't already know. Listen to your instincts. I can imagine how funky it would feel trying to get a job with a messed up face, but keep going, keep trying to do well.

By anonymous at 28,Jun,12 10:58

Okay. Lets look at the possibles here. 1. You can cave. Not an option. Youre too good for that. 2. Sit down with those you trust and love and say " here are the three things I NEED to accomplish and here is how I think I should tackle each one. No more that three - thats complicated; Two minimum....
3. Set a REAL timeline to each one
4. Make them play off of each other - i.e. I want to become a chef trainee. I will apply and be accepted at a chef school. NOT I want to be a chef and I want to go to Burning man ...okay you get the drift.
5. SET a plan.
6. PRINT the plan.
7. For each plan attach what you see as steps.
8. Attached dates to each step and stick to them. Some may Push but make NONE of them your doing of possible.
9. Reward yourself. When you achieve, celebrate - a little - with those who helped you and especially those whove mentored you.
10. Marijuana - lose the habit - for real. Its illegal and those hiring wont tolerate it in the practice. The DUI - Face up to it - say Im responsible and face the chnage needed. People hiring will VERY much appreciate you taking responsibility in maturing.
Finally, DONT quit. NO one will help you without YOU.

By Tammy at 05,May,13 07:45

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By Kaden at 07,May,13 01:19

I don't know who you wrote this for but you helped a borhter out.

By Louis Vuitton Belts Womens at 25,Sep,14 09:10

Storified by

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