LIFE SUCKS

sad

I'm 33, ever since i was 15 i alienated all friends because i didnt want to associate with anyone who used any kind of drugs. None were left. I decided that i would just be alone for this life and hope for a next one to do things a little different, even though i dont really believe it. I became very lonely at 29, so lonely that i would be with anyone and accept any flaw, no matter what happened i wouldnt regret it because i wouldnt be alone anymore. I was with her for 3 years, it was a nightmare, and now i am alone again. I thought i would like being alone again but i am dying inside, i am completely non-emotional anymore and basically a dead version of myself. I left my job, have no money, wrecked my car and didnt even care, drove the wreck thinking i could just bungee everything, because who cares? no one.
I'm thinking of becoming an alcoholic and masturbate every day until i die, getting a worthless job and not even trying to get educated in any profession. I dont ever want kids because i know i wouldnt be a good father. I dont think i could commit suicide, but im beginning to understand it, and if i attempt it, i wont need a 2nd time. What is there worth living for, when you have nothing and no one, and unsure of what to do with yourself for however many days you have left?
I'm so insignificant, i feel like a mouse in a corner or lint under a couch cushion. Knowing that you all are also insignificant doesnt help my outlook, i know people been through very hard times, some didnt live through them, and even so, i feel like the saddest person on earth.