I am living at the edge of Hell. The bare brink of insanity but yet enough to keep my sane. The bare minimum of torturing until my mind shatters from agony. My brother and sister died before I was 7. My drunken failure of a stepdad use to rape and abuse my mom. I didn't get it as bad as my mother because she always stepped in eventually we dropped everything and ran away. I didn't learn english or come to america til I was already in 3rd grade. I've been to 6 highschools throughout my life and it ended with me dropping out. I was abandoned by my mother once and sent to a relatives house to live for 15 months. It felt like nobody believed in me and my relatives all treated me like I was a burden. It was hard making friends when you are constantly moving. I was expelled in middleschool for 'selling weed' even though I was holding it for a friend which is my fault I suppose. Girls approach me with half hearted offers of love only to find new boyfriends and further show me how alone I am. I see people everywhere living normal and happy lives. Its hurts so much. I curl up in a ball and cry until I fall asleep clinging and praying to god for help. There is no God. I've already tried to kill myself but couldnt go through with it. I am always being compared to my older brother. He gets good grades, he works a decent job. I DONT GIVE A FUCK. Im not him. I never knew my real father and I dont really care, just add it to the list of crap. I wish I could disapear. I only see all the negative things now, where did things go wrong, Why me? I am 20 years old now, a dropout, a virgin, jobless, living at a friends house, addicted to cigarettes and living at the edge of hell.