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I cant take this

Posted by anonymous at January 18, 2012
Tags: 2012 January  Loneliness  Sociopathy

I NEED TO KILL MYSELF but Im to chickenshit to do it. Ive never felt so empty and drained. I can barely get myself up because I lay in bed for hours thinking about the only women Ive ever made love to and how much I miss her. I sleep so much yet Im tired all the time like I barely sleep at all, and I still live with my mom. I have major depression and my confidence/self esteem is shot to shit so I know ill never make love again. My ex was my everything, she was the reason I pushed my self to get my shit together. Now I have no job no car no money no life, the few jobs I had were horrible and knowone will hire me now no matter how much I apply. Before her I was almost as bad as I am now, but I was so much stronger and had alot of friends to make it better. Now I am truley broken and alone... She took the last of my hope, the last of my light, and crushed it into empty bleak despair. I have nothing, I have knowone, Im going to just wither and wast away in this room anyway so I should just man up and jump to my death since I cant afford a gun. What makes it all so much worse is knowing its all my fault, and that Im to weak and pathetic to fight this terrible acheing depression. Fuck ive never felt this hollow and lifeless, so terrified and useless. I hate being around other people, and the idea of getting laid/getting a gf is laughable since im so scared of rejection and not being good enough sexualy or mentaly(one girl I tryed to talk to just laughed at me and another just walked away while I was talking). Im just a pathetic overly sensitive momas boy loser and I need to just die


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Comments:
By jueves at 08,Feb,12 14:36

I know exactly the feeling ... you just describe how I feel. I cant tell you things would get better cause I feel somehow there is no light outside, I dont mean to depress you more either, but just write you so you could feel some company on your pain, you are not the only one going through it. At least you didn't marry her and have years of years behind you to go over with, I guess love is not everything either ... probably you lose in one aspect of your life but there must be another way to make up for it. I'm on your same situation and starting to put all my effort in getting a job so I won't sink into depression, at least when you are busy you get distracted from it. Be strong, discard love for a little while, nobody is pushing you to get someone so is ok if you close that door, try to concentrate in others: job, health, trying to make friends... that could probably push you away. Anyhow, Im in your same situation, don't feel lonely .


By red dragon at 08,Feb,12 21:41

YOU don't push things for other people but yourself. If you just keep doing one thing for one person that you love then faults will just build up more on that person that are actually yours then eventually guilt and anger. Go out and make your way. Do things the way you want. Be positive. In an weird and accidentle way you'll know thingd will go the way you want it.


By anonymous at 09,Feb,12 06:01

Look first I think you are in need of some medical help! You need to either tell your mom, or go to a doc and be honest about what you are feeling and get some anti depresants. ANd stop having a pitty party for your self, people lose someone they deerly love all the time and many times not by choice look at the people who lost loved ones in 9/11 or the war. Come on get off your but quit feeling sorry for your self and get out of the house and go look for a job, or go to school. or go volenteer for some place, hospital, hospice, children cancer center, comunity center, go help people who have real problems and give a little of your self. You will feel much better about who you are my friend.


By anonymous at 09,Feb,12 09:56

play ultima online... fuck the real life


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By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 11:24

I had a best friend who went through what you going through. The best thing was the help he received from family and from friends and telling him everything is gonna be ok, and that is what I'm telling you now. You can do this, talk to your family, let me them know whats going on


By anonymous at 20,Feb,12 22:15

I can identify with your post. I was a late bloomer... looked far younger than my age when I was in high school. I remember being rejected by girls and feeling so awkward around them.

Things did get better. I'm still shy & still awkward at times. I've also been married and have had several girlfriends.

Hang in there. Have you tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? It's hard work but it helps.

Best of luck!


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