so my life was all going rather well until i met my Ben. I met him in high school and he cheated on me but i gave him chances because he was the first guy id ever really loved. Then when high school finished we didnt talk for quite some time. In the meantime my best friend of 18 years told me via a text message that he couldnt be my friend anymore. The one person i had relied on my whole life no longer wanted me around, with no explanation why. So then i wanted somebody to love me so i got in contact with Ben again. He was happy to hear from me and we met up. We starting dating straight away and then about 6 months later i fell pregnant. He seemed happy about it and so we got married a few months later. Everything was going well until our daughter Lily was born. Ben changed. Telling me he was jealous of Lily and then started the violence. First i didnt think it was domestic abuse but he would yell in my face for hours calling me a whore and threatining to kill me, hitting me on the head and smashing things over me and sometimes even Lily. That was when i knew i had to get out. So i got a domestic violence order out against him and seperated from him. Only problem is my beliefs wont allow me to divorce and be with someone else unless Ben sleeps with someone else, which i think he is not doing just to spite me. Then a few weeks after we seperated, my grandfather who was diagnosed with cancer a year or so ago passed away. I was the only one there with him. Those last breaths will haunt me forever. So now i live alone with a beautiful baby, but it gets so hard when she cries ad cries and i have no one to help me. Whats even worse is that whe at last she goes to sleep i cant. Thoughts of grandad and fears that Ben will find me keep me up at night. Which doesnt help with the anger problems i have developed since Ben. I struggle so hard to fight the anger and depression but i just cant get on top. I wonder why im still here. If only i had the guts to do something about it... | |
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