LIFE SUCKS

Ive accepted that my life sucks.

Well, when I was young my mother had just showed the first signs of schizophrenia. As I got older, I began to realize how bad she was and fading fast. When I was a child, she would often forget me places and always made a fool out of out family. She had crazy tantalizing fits everywhere, from the supermarket to our home. I never understood, and as I grew older she began to bring me down to set herself up better. She said I was ugly and fat and things like that. Me and my dad didn't have a relationship because he was always working and my mothers stress made him very angry. She would be up day and night screaming at us and keep us up. My dad worked his hardest to keep us out of debt, but my mother continued to find ways to run up bills. My dad wanted to leave her, but didn't have the heart because it isn't her fault. My mother grew worse as I grew older, and I got severely withdrawn and depressed. She began to get abusive, hitting me. When I was learning how to drive, I was driving and she slapped me in the face, causing me to wreck. At the age of 17 I had two jobs, was supporting myself, was going to school, and I couldn't take it anymore. I moved out and into my boyfriends house. Soon after moving out, I discovered my father doesn't have long to live. He has a disease where his body is not making any blood. That's where I am now. I still have two jobs, trying to find a third to pay for basic expenses and college. My boyfriend smokes weed and, being a Christian and Idk, it just really hurts me. He has lied to me about it all the time, but I'm scared he will kick me out. He has kicked me out four of five times in the past two months. I have to pack up all my things and put them in my car. Sometimes my friends are open, but I've slept in my car before. I'm too young to get an apartment and my relationship is struggling. My boyfriend does not have a job. He is sort of trying to find one. I'm not sure that I was meant to be happy.