I generally want to end it. Not even as a "cry for help" as most suicides are performed for.
I absolutely hate my life. I'm 21, virgin, no friends & nothing to live for. I reject all ideas of work. I spend every single day going to sleep at 6am+. All the time I'm awake I play games on my PC. I don't see it as an addiction to gaming. I see it as a way of living. I want to live this way, it's the only thing that makes me happy.
I refuse to see any psychologist/therapist. I just see this world as living HELL.
I think about suicide every single day, but I can't gather the guts to actually do something about it. I don't know what's wrong with me.
There's just a part of me that has some hope that everything will change & I'll be happy. This hope has been with me for about 2 years now. & It just gets worse.
I've been in love twice, both of which left me. One was recent, last month. I thought I fucking had it. I actually believed it was a turning point in my life. I was gonna get out this hell hole and actually be happy for once. It lasted 1 fucking month..
She said she loved me etc & left me for her fucking faggot EX. It just crushed me to a lower point than I was previously.
But yeah, that's pretty much what goes on in my head every day. Same day over and over, I can't live in this world.
I just know I'm going to ignore everything until I'm on the streets & rotting. I give up trying for people & for myself. I hope there are others who feel this way, not for my self satisfaction. Just because it's true that today's life is not worth living.