LIFE SUCKS

Adversity is what makes me me

I guess my story starts before i was born when my dad would take all our money and gamble it away. By the time i was born it only got worse and my mom did not always have money to buy food to feed me. So even as a baby i had to eat whatever there was...i remember my mom telling me she would feed me tomatoes and i loved them because thats all she had. I guess this is why i grew up to be skinny...probably malnutrition. Throughout my life though getting food was always a problem. When we got situated here in the US my dad became a worse alcoholic and would tease and torture me at the dinner table...by throwing food at me. This would continue afterwards with beatings for not doing things the right way or being too loud or just being a kid. My dad has always been an alcoholic as far as i can remember and would spend his money but never give us any. He would send money back home but our family was always poor. As i grew up my parents were always fighting mom always leaving and coming back. I failed 8th grade because of this. When i finally turned 18 and got a job i thought i could be free from my life of hell. I was wrong my. My dad made me pay rent i could not afford with my minimum wage job. I ended up getting heavy into drugs to avoid my life as i knew it. this only made things worse with me getting expelled from school and in trouble with the law. I felt independent living with my dad because he was not my dad he was my landlord. In this place the story didnt change...there was never food in the house so i barely ate. Most of my money went to rent and i didnt have much left afterwards. My dad also always had strict rules like i could not go out at night eventhough i was 18 and had a job. I did not listen would go out everynight and sneak out my window. i started having fun for the first time in my life...i was free...but i was still very poor. I started having sex and i was uneducated about the subject i just knew not to get a girl pregnant...thats all my parents ever told me. I went through a few GF before finding my angel who saved my life and got my life on track. I started going to college had a good job. Nothing in life is perfect so my angel came with a catch. My Gf had been raped when she was a young girl. Her rapist had herpes. She was young and did not even know what had happened to her. So when we met i was only in it for sex like with all the other girls...but in the back of my mind i wanted a GF my whole life i had felt alone and i felt like i never had anyone that really cared about me. My whole life i had been me trying to eat but not being able to for whatever reason i just wanted to eat why didnt anyone even my own dad not help me???I dont know and will never know. So by now u know i have herpes and the worst part about it was i did not know much about the disease when i first got it. I was poor always hungry and uneducated. Since i did not know what herpes really was or how it worked i inadvertently gave it to people i knew. I felt soooo bad i wanted to kill myself. I came very close and called the suicide hotline. I had actually tryed to OD ealrier in my life but i didnt i woke up. I am done for now because i have to go I wish someone reads this because if i can get past all i went through coming from a third world country and coming here going to college and escaping my hell YOU can too.