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LIFE SUCKS

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Abused, abandoned, & ageing.

Posted by anonymous at January 25, 2012
Tags: Abuse  Childhood  2012 January  Life Story  Relationship

I am a 34 year old woman. I was born to a pair of narcissistic drug addicts in Denver Colorado. From the age of two upwards, my father and mother drugged me with valium, made me drink wine, or take Nyquil so I would be asleep most of the time, so they could party. At five, my parents went to Las Vegas and left me with my grandparents, where my 13 yr old uncle molested me daily for a while...how long I don't know. Until "Mom" and "dad" came back. My father started to beat me when I began school. He only used a belt but regularly whipped me for small things like a sad face on the paper I brought home, and I mean in first grade. I was a terrible student, I seems to be slower than everyone else, so I was whipped often.
We moved away from the USA and came to Canada in '84. By the time I was in fifth grade it was apparent I was a loser and was bullied relentlessly. At the age of eleven my father ran off with a 24 yr old woman, and left me with my mother, whom 3 years later sent me back to the US for a "summer vacation" and called me on the phone one day to tell me I would not be coming back to her, she did not want me, she had met a man who did not want a kid around.
I came back to Canada to live with my father and Stepmother (the 24 year old by then nearly 30)and by then my father had become an alcoholic. He regularly got into violent fights with the stepmother. He was often seen in our neighborhood, blind drunk, violent and under arrest. This led to me getting beat up more often, and eventually I stopped going to school. I failed seventh grade.
I was raped at 15 and my father would not allow me to have an abortion. I was told to have the baby, and they would raise her. I did have the child, but then I was ousted and rejected "for the baby's sake" when she was born.
By the time I was 18 I had met a man seven years older who wanted to marry me. I needed stability, and so I agreed. Ten years I was married, and he did everything from hit me, to shaving my head after knocking me out with drugs, to making me throw all of my clothes away, and wear his.
I FINALLY got smart and got away, but it took five whole years.
Today, I am better as a person, I would never allow myself to be the victim EVER again.
However, I am so emotionally damaged, I do not have(nor have ever had) any friends whatever, and I have social anxiety and OCD on top of all of that.
I am desperately lonely, on disability and getting old.
And that's my story.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
really am I alone? NOPE February 3, 2011
There is no point anymore August 9, 2011
Abandoned November 11, 2009
will it ever get better? December 24, 2011
I'm abandoned person who lived to feel loneliness and sadness April 9, 2012



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Comments:
By anonymous at 18,Feb,12 11:21

/big hug


By anonymous at 29,Feb,12 21:40

Wow thats terrible suddenly i have nothing to complain about and feel stupid for even thinking my life is bad


By anonymous at 04,Mar,12 05:31

That is absolutly insane. I feel horrible.


By anonymous at 11,Mar,12 11:08

helena.rain@hotmail.com
Add me please. I am an Australian girl and still attends highschool tho but I still would love to be your friend. I also advise that you go to a hobby group like painting and such and then meet friends that way and report all this to the police. Im glad that life is getting better for u. and u have been an inspiration. U could be a socialist and fight to free kids in drug abusive homes. Goodluck though darling :D


By anonymous at 24,Mar,12 14:35

You go girl! I support you. Help yourself.


By anonymous at 28,Mar,12 20:41

I know yours is a bad story, but you are not alone. Things get better when you are loved and allow people in again. It's hard but I suggest you do things that successful people do. I was in slow learner classes as a child because I couldn't think and concentrate due to all the abuse at home. As an adult, I went to college and I got a 4.0 GPA! Do things that successful, happy people do- fake it until it becomes you and you have a new label for yourself. There is a reason why you went through this- find it. Then help others after you have helped yourself. Physically do things that are soothing to your body. It will create new bodily memories. The first time I went to a massage therapist, I cried. Be a friend to yourself first. God be with you!


By anonymous at 03,Apr,12 18:53

yes God be with you. Also please go get your child.I don't think its a good idea to let him or her stay with your dad and step mom.


By anonymous at 21,Jun,12 17:58

all of these stories make me cry. and to think my life sucks?....


By Men's North Face Softshells at 13,Nov,14 02:30

Aku kemudiannya mengunci basikal kesayanganku. Cinta yang sentiasa membawa kebahagiaan kepada hati, =).¡°no thank you!¡± kata hayati yang dipanggil ?? apa yang akan si kecil ini teriakkan padaku disaat ia perlukanku.ibu mak ummi mama suamiku hanya tersenyum melihat gelagatku sambil memberi ciuman kasih didahikulamunanku menjadi semakin indah hari demi hariku usap perutku setiap waktuku bisikkan kata-kata indah pada bayiku teramat sayang padamu wahai anakku.sebelum jenazah anakku disemadikan sempat kusisipkan photo aku bersama suami di balutan putih tubuh kecil anakku.sempat jua ku ambil bekas-bekas kain putih itu yang dipotong untuk kusimpan sebagai pengubat rindu


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