Where should I start... I'm a french woman so sorry about my english writting.
My mom deceide at 23 that she wanted a baby, met my father, got me, realise he was nothing good and left him. She in the meaning time met my step father that raised me so I made friends with 2 step brotherS. Then after 16 years my mom went through a huge depression and she left him cuz as good as he was he couldnt keep a job. I had to support myself at age of 13 cuz my mom couldnt afford lots after paying for 5 people. So got my fist job, kept working there and there, moved out of the house after they seperate cuz it was not livable. Met my fist boyfriend which I followed to he's city, left everything behind me for what was left. We broke out 3 years and half after. Dint want to come back to my old town cuz dint want to admit I failed. Got pregant at 20, gave birth at 21 with a dum ass that left me when the baby was 3 months old. Went in a huge depression. Lost everything, ruined had to declared bankcrupcy. Met number 3 who was ok at first but after 4 year of him cheating and apologize I got fed up and left him. Met number 4 who was almost perfect but never there working 2 full time job which I had to take care of hes family cuz no car and young sister pregnant at 16, since I had already my lot of prob... I deceide to let him go. Then I met number 5 at work was totaly in love, but 2 years later he started being an ass, I left back to my old town for a work contract, then realise I was pregnant over there, then when I gave birth he ask me to come back here and marry him cuz he wouldnt abandonne hes life there for me. So with 2 kids I agreed. Left back to the big city. The year that followed we got married, he started to treat me like shit. Hes a pakistane muslim that arrive here at age of 8, I'am a french canadian white girl, and now I'am stock in a damn marriage that sucks, I tried to left him many times but what can I do with no money, debts, bad friends and almost no family, expect my mom that is far far away. I feel lonely and never though I would live to be treated like a dog. I'm trying to change carriere and study again to be able to provide for myself and my childreen but he doesnt help at all, what ever i do i am too stupide, bitch, slut and capable of nothing. Left with little self estime I'm trying to keep positive but cry almost everyday. I thought many times that life wasnt for me but cant leave my childreen with nothing. So I'm working, studing, take care of the house, wake up everynight for the baby, try to not upset my husband and try to pay bills and keep quiet until I found a way out of this shit life. Last time I left my husband he almost killed me wehen he was drunk. No mother want to see their kids to have to watch this. The most funny thing about it is I had everything for myself. I'm educated, pretty, supposed to be intelligent, 2 beautiful kids, never been single, Had high jobs that I couldnt keep cuz of the hours and day care, like banking director, inssurance, collection. I'am diplomed in many field. I always went full time to school and full time to a job to provide for myself and raising my kid same time, I had everything for myself, I even rebuilt my credit. I have a nice condo that I rent, a nice car but I am so lonely and hunhappy. Cuz what I have to go though every day just to keep my standing is horrible. I dont have money either, maybe 10 000$ debts. Cant affor a divorce and if I divorce will lose almost all I have including 50% of all my belongs. Through the years I lost all my friends cuz my husband is so crazy and dont want me to almost have friends. But what no one understand is that everyone can complain but no one will or have help me truely. And for the kids to not mis anything I just keep going until I am enough strong to be on my on again. I know what it sound like to be lonely. In reality I have nothing. Very high cost to pay for the mistake I did. I just wanted to be happy and have a normal life. Hope that one day I will meet a perfect gentleman that will respect me and my kids but until then i'm starting to prefer to be alone. Too bad that life is only about money... | |
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