Every morning I wake up and the reality is worse than the dream. I dread facing the world, but ultimately get up. I go thru the motions throughout the day. Often times, I cry constantly or viciously punch myself in the face in a bathroom. I feel miserable, because I've never been able to find a girl who i can say loves me. I try so hard to meet people, but it always fails. No matter what. i don't know whats wrong with me. They always just stop liking me whether its right away or over time. Every time i've liked someone they've turned away from me. I feel so lonely. I cant stop crying and hating myself. I get led on, and then cancelled on or ignored all the time. It fucking kills me. I cant stand living. I sleep with a butcher's knife next to my bed some nights bc i want to give myself an option. I think about how i want to kill myself all the time. I dont have the guts to go through with it bc i keep hoping things may change. but they never do. every time i have some sort of hope, it goes away because people decide im not worth knowing. they just start ignoring me. for no reason. i dont get it. i feel so cursed but realize its probably just me, i am not likable. If its been 26 years and it keeps happening i dont know why things would change. every step of my life i pray that it may change, but without fail no matter where i go or what i do i am alone and rejected and made to feel worthless. i hate life and myself. Every time i've felt something for a girl, she has not wanted a relationship and tries to say its bc she just got out of one. it cant be that. i know its me. im not worth loving or caring about. | |
Relationships are usually based waaay too heavily on exterior reasons. Good health and physical attractiveness is a big factor in a physical relationship, but people who neglect the importance of passion and spiritual connectivity find themselves in unsatisfying and very abusive and painful relationships again and again. At your young age people have not learned their lessons so they don't understand the value of something beyond a good looking guy to have sex with. In the following years these women will have been used and abused by egotistical cheaters and jerks. Then they will be crawling to nice guys like you for emotional (and financial) support.
BUT rather than wait for those types of unreliable chicks to come around there are girls now who didn't grow up in functional families and who don't live in the suburbs who don't have money to be/dress like the "hot" chick. But they are pretty and need love just like you. You have to change your type, because the type you want isn't the type that is going to appreciate you or treat you right.
Maybe she wont have perfect teeth, maybe she wont have big breasts, maybe shell have a big nose, but if you want to be loved on the inside you have to learn to do the same. That doesn't mean settle for a fat or ugly broad. Don't settle, but learn to love a real human being and natural beauty. Don't keep on trying to get with the stereotypical chicks that look like celebrities. Find someone who doesn't try to fit into a genre someone who is loving devoted and unique. Listen to your heart.
God uses the weak, the powerless, the hurt, the poor, and the lonely in GREAT ways. Heres a illustration: A potter will take a helpless, lifeless lump of clay and then knead it and squeeze it until it's soft and pliable. And then when he gets it just right, he takes that piece of clay and he does something called throwing, where he places the clay on a spinning table.
As that clay is placed upon that turning wheel, the potter's hands then begin to pressure the clay and work it until he makes something beautiful out of that old ugly piece of clay.
God is the true master craftsman. He is a potter who is making something beautiful out of every life. He will take the old ugly mistakes and sins and make them into something completely new!
When you truly know God, you can live victoriously! So whatever the ugliness is in your life, be assured that through the blood of Christ, God molds you and makes you into something beautiful! Many people can testify to how God has changed them. Ive never heard of anyone regretting putting their faith in jesus.
Are you saved? God can turn the worst of situations into good! Joeseph was left for dead and put into slavery by his brothers, he was abandonded, afraid, probably thought his life was over. But he trusted God, he then eventually became second in command of Egypt. Without looking into the future it can be hard to be optimistic. If you put your faith with jesus he wont abandon you, he will love you and give you a new life. All you have to do is accept jesus as your lord and savior and ask for forgiveness of your sin, he will wash away all your sin (everyone has sin, i'm not judging you by what I say).
Jesus knows your pain, because he went through all the different pains possible when he was tortured and then nailed to a cross. He layed down his life for me and you, so that we can have eternal life in heaven. All we have to do is accept him as our lord and savior and ask for forgiveness for our sin. Jesus loves you with love that cant be compared, he loves you so much that he died for you. He can change you. He changes people every single day. You can say that one of his job descriptions is "Life Changer". He knows your trouble, he cares for you, and he wants you to know him. He will comfort us when there seems to be no comfort available. He is our friend when everyone else seems to not care, he provides for us when we are without, and he gives us strength when we are weak. He washes away all our sin when we have lived sinfilled lives. He is offering the gift of everlasting life in heaven free of charge, its your choice whether you accept his offer.
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