My grandfather has recently been diagnosed with alzhimers and my mother recently said she was glad to accept that he had 'died' in soul. I had never thought of it like that, so now i'm thinking about my reality. I keep wondering what the point of it all is, we lose our minds to ourselves, over thinking or otherwise. I mean the man has had 5 diffferent types of cancer, makes it through that and now he has a slow and painful death ahead of him where he will lose all his bodily functions and probably die confused like a child, after thinking hes being kept in a prison for months on end.
Also, nobody seems to understand that this is hard, and keeps shouting at me for trying to talk to them about it, when they are busy reading about the latest celebrity problem or sex problem.
Also, I have spots all over my face, an anxiety disorder and no money. having no money is a problem for me, but when it comes to my father not working or my younger sister that is okay. I think i get it from everyone about their emotional issues, they take it out on me without asking how I might be feeling.
Also, when I say this to anyone close they proceed to announce that their relative not only had cancer, but a leg missing and were blind too (okay, not quite but you get the point). My councilor is more interested in telling me other people's problems and ways to ignore my anxieties but the truth is, I CAN'T BE BOTHERED. What is the point when life picks off all the best ones either too young, or drags out a painful death for the old.
Also, there is a murder trial currently happening in which a person close to me was stabbed by another close to me. Reading the disgusting details in the news daily is not adding to my sense of well being in the world.
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this fucked me up man. i can't look at him. when i see him all i want is to cry. i want to cry, i can do nothing and he is losing everything right in front of me and i can do nothing.
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