First off, let me drop this bomb: Don't have sex. Having sex with a woman I wasn't married to, as a single guy at the time, gave me the gift of my first child. While I wouldn't take anything for the love I have for that child, it wasn't the right time in my life, and I wasn't necessarily ready to be married to her mother.
Now, why does life suck for me? Well, high schoolers, wait until a few choices in your life have essentially locked your future into a fate of endless crap. You need to make decisions that will give you a fulfilling career, not do like I did, and take the safe route. I majored in a field in college that is so unlike what I am like, that I basically passed the classes, then flunked out of the career. What a traumatic experience to have a newborn baby and then lose your job because you suck as an accountant. Follow that up with endless job changes, geographic moves, and cycles of buying and selling things that you think will fulfill you. That's been my miserable life since about 24. Now I'm 36. 12 years condemned in hell. I wake up and my body and mind are more tired than when I went to sleep, because I just lie there in a death state all night. Sleeping, without dreaming. Then I wake, and wish I wasn't. Because it's all right there again. The one thing that I thought I could do was at least try and earn a paycheck doing whatever I could be marginal at. But two recessions, including one DEPRESSION in the past 12 years have assured at least 2 layoffs in my career. No job stability, no wealth built, nothing but debt, debt, debt. And now I find out that the house I live in, for the past 8 years, my one piece of stability and hope for the future, has recently started losing value because deadbeats on my street are selling for less than they owe, or just walking away. All I've known is to pay my bills, go to work, and take care of my family.
Now, I'm done. I've taken care of everyone but me. Recently, I tried to take what few actual selling points that I can present to the world, and translate it into an acting career. And that was inspiring for a year or so. Now, I get rejected for every role, and I've basically lost the will to keep going to auditions. I have no hope, no money, and I'm living in debt. There really is no other reason to live, other than not to make my family sad and suffer.
I don't expect help, because no one really can help. Only death can help at this point. | |
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