I am a "survivor" of suicide. My son, the love of my life, ended his close to 9 months ago. The irony of this is painful. 9 months is the gestation period that I had before having him. I loved him so very much. He made me want to be a better person. I wasn't always a better person, but I loved him and tried in every way that I knew how, to let him know, that I'd love him no matter what, that I'd support him, regardless of whatever decisions he made for his life, e.g., profession, etc. He is gone. My heart is forever broken. I question every move I have ever made as a parent. I feel failure and shame and despair and guilt. I want more than anything to go back in time and stop him from destroying himself. But I cannot do that. It is too late. I don't know if I can feel joy again. If you are considering suicide, please think about those that you will leave behind. Not only am I, my poor, incredibly saddened husband, and many friends and family impacted with incredible sorrow and questions (what did I miss?!), and guilt...I have witnessed people that my boy had no clue he'd impact, crumble, topple over an edge they were on already, and fall into a sad abyss, as a result as his loss. I had a neighbor who watched my child grow up...he was not close to my son, but tended toward depression, and the tragic nature of my son's loss, prompted him towards more depression, dismay, confusion, questioning the whole goddamned universe, etc. Us "survivors", if you can call the state of our existence "surviving", is terrible..we can't move forward in our loss, we keep retracing our steps to see what we missed, how we might have prevented the tragedy, and we hate ourselves for any minute item that we find, in retrospect, that we may have missed, that may have saved our loved one. If you are considering suicide...and you care about anyone in this whole fucking universe...I implore you to instead seek help for whatever is making you feel this desperate. Because if you do not and decide to end your life, you will pass your pain on tenfold, at LEAST, to the people left behind. Is that what you want? | |
Understatement of the century :)
But the human race has a long way to go before it works like that. Lucky for the children of the future who may grow up seeing the world the same as they understood it when they were young, but it will be built upon the sorrows and from the ignorance of the people living now. I hope they never take it for granted.
Most, if not all, of the world's leaders are liars who try to manipulate "the led". This is why everything turned out to be a lie. Consumerism/Capitalism is the lie. From the time we are infants, people are trying to make money off of us.
Provide photos and memories for the world to see. You might even get messages from people who knew your son who might be able to shed light on why he took his own life.
Life is VERY difficult. Even the Christian Bible has many verses contained within its pages about deep despair. There are many verses where the writer asks or says, "Why was I ever born?" or "I wish I was never born". 99.999% of us have asked...at one time or another...these same questions. The rest of us somehow manage to muddle the rest of the way through our own lives. To me, life is a "proving-ground"...NOT a pleasant vacation. It is a "proving-ground" for something we have yet to experience.
Suicide is not wht JEsus wants us to do .Its from devil he promts he controls its hard its done that moment when we r hurt or rejected or in pain.Thats the time Satan strikes.But just know that Jesus is in full control .Your loss and hurt has no short cut solutiion.Please pray to GOD to give you peace and joy .And live a life that will make you happy and please GOD .
I worry about my own 17-year old son taking his life and so I empathize deeply. I would not be able to carry on, should that happen.
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