It all started when i was 13 and mum left, most kids think when there mum's leaving is there fault but mines really was, before she left she told that she couldn't handle me anymore and she just didn't want to be a mother (im 19 now and havent seen her since). She left me with my step dad who feels like he got stuck with me, iv never met my real dad its one of 4 different men according to my mum.
When i was 14 i dropped out of school and started to slip threw the system. i always looked old for my age so i use to get all dolled up and put my high heels on and go out to the pub. I got my first bf he was 22 at the time and i was not even 15 yet looking back i know this was very wrong and i feel distugusting when i think back to how he sexually took advantage of me but i was young and just wanted someone to love me. I was with him for a year before i found out he had been sleeping with other young girls i was devistated. i thought he loved me.
Even thinking about sex now makes me feel dirty and horrible. My step dad got even worse towards me as i got to 16 he kept making me feel worthless we would argue so much. so i decided to get a job but with no previous experience and also because i never even finished school i had or still do have no chance. most jobs i applyed for didnt even answer me back i must of applyed for hundreds and really crappy jobs to but no where will take me.
just before my 17th birthday i tryed to committ suicide i lay in the bath and took a ton of pills i just wanted to disapere because i know there is no use for me in this world. my step dad came back and found me unconcious unfortunatly my head had fallen over the back of the bath so i hadn't slipped under the water.
After that iv just pretty much felt worthless i think about killing myself weekly but i guess im to chicken to do it. im 19 now nearly 20 and i havent left the house in a year i just have no confidence and wish id never been born, i hate myself so much. | |
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As an advice, beleive yourself, and find a purpose in life,there are many jobs for you or you can create your own earnings by working partime there are so many online jobs available. let me know if i can help out in any manner. Takecare and God Bless you, you can write to me at harvikaur04@gmail.com
God uses the weak, the powerless, the hurt, the poor, and the lonely in GREAT ways. Heres a illustration: A potter will take a helpless, lifeless lump of clay and then knead it and squeeze it until it's soft and pliable. And then when he gets it just right, he takes that piece of clay and he does something called throwing, where he places the clay on a spinning table.
As that clay is placed upon that turning wheel, the potter's hands then begin to pressure the clay and work it until he makes something beautiful out of that old ugly piece of clay.
Understand that we live in a sinful broken world, our hope shouldn't be in this world but in Jesus and heaven. Without Jesus we will never be satisfied in this life. Life on earth compared to eternity is like the blink of an eye.
God is the true master craftsman. He is a potter who is making something beautiful out of every life. He will take the old ugly mistakes, hardships and sins and make them into something completely new!
When you truly know God, you can live victoriously! So whatever the ugliness is in your life, be assured that through the blood of Christ, God molds you and makes you into something beautiful! Many people can testify to how God has changed them. Ive never heard of anyone regretting putting their faith in jesus.
Are you saved? God can turn the worst of situations into good! Joeseph was left for dead and put into slavery by his brothers, he was abandonded, afraid, probably thought his life was over. But he trusted God, he then eventually became second in command of Egypt. Without looking into the future it can be hard to be optimistic. If you put your faith with jesus he wont abandon you, he will love you and give you a new life. All you have to do is accept jesus as your lord and savior and ask for forgiveness of your sin, he will wash away all your sin (everyone has sin, i'm not judging you by what I say).
Jesus knows your pain, because he went through all the different pains possible when he was tortured and then nailed to a cross. He layed down his life for me and you, so that we can have eternal life in heaven. All we have to do is accept him as our lord and savior and ask for forgiveness for our sin. Jesus loves you with love that cant be compared, he loves you so much that he died for you. He can change you. He changes people every single day. You can say that one of his job descriptions is "Life Changer". He knows your trouble, he cares for you, and he wants you to know him. He will comfort us when there seems to be no comfort available. He is our friend when everyone else seems to not care, he provides for us when we are without, and he gives us strength when we are weak. He washes away all our sin when we have lived sinfilled lives. He is offering the gift of everlasting life in heaven free of charge, its your choice whether you accept his offer.
Is it just a coincedence that your hearing this message? Maybe this is a calling from God?
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
"Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
"Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
(Matthew 5.3-12 ESV
Take care.
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