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Posted by Darlene at February 2, 2012
Tags: Family  2012 February  Health

There are days when I hate my life, especialy if I think to much about it. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I have bipolar disorder. Of course these things make me like shit on a shoe when it comes to relationships. Did I mention that I'm queer? I was married to a man for 16 years until I realized that he was a pediophile. And I'm not making this shit up. I have five children. And yes , they all have the same father ,and I'm not Cathlolic. I beat the odds and have five disabled children. Well they aren't children anymore, even though I am still responsible for them. Ben has schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. He has severe learning disabilites. He will be 37 soon. Nate has epilepsy and I think he is doing find. He has a job and is married. Kate was born with Turners Syndrome. She is currently living in a state mental hospital . She has been there for 2 and a half years. I visit every week. She is a dwarf and has survived two heart surgeries. One was an aortic anuyrsm. She has an anursym now that is being followed. She has anorexia. Zak will be 27 this month. He has schizoaffective disorder with anxiety. He dressed like a pirate every day. Did I mention that Ben is covered in Tattoos? And Allison who is 24 has bipolar disorder like her mom. She is able to work which is good. I visit my 87 year mom with Alzihimers at the nursing home once a week. she doen't know who I am any more, but loves the bavarin cream donut that I bring her. I'm living on 698 a month. I have never owned my own home and fear for my future. I am tired. I find if I think of all my children and mom as who they are and I take away the labels,that it becomes easier. Label suck. I just so wanted some sort of life for myself. I'm going to be 56 soon and feel if I missed the boat. I try to be an artist. It feeds my soul. That and nature. I'm just feeling so stuck, and hopeless.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 15,Feb,12 23:54

Are you trolling? This seems kinda fake. Why would u keep on having kids after realizing all of them are born with disabilities?

Honestly, I don't believe your story. Maybe it's just that a story and fictional.


By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 01:03

Trailer homes for 55plus aged people are really affordable and some of them look like decent little houses. Even if you can't get your own "house" you can get your own home. I don't consider bipolar a real disorder..but yeah alot of your kids have some problems. Dressed as a pirate everyday? How did you let him out the house like that?


By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 02:59

God uses the weak, the powerless, the hurt, the poor, and the lonely in GREAT ways. Heres a illustration: A potter will take a helpless, lifeless lump of clay and then knead it and squeeze it until it's soft and pliable. And then when he gets it just right, he takes that piece of clay and he does something called throwing, where he places the clay on a spinning table.
As that clay is placed upon that turning wheel, the potter's hands then begin to pressure the clay and work it until he makes something beautiful out of that old ugly piece of clay.

God sometimes uses suffering to mold us, to make us turn to him, to convict us of sin, he has his reasons. Also understand that we live in a sinful broken world, our hope shouldn't be in this world but in Jesus and heaven. Without Jesus we will never be satisfied in this life. Life on earth compared to eternity is like the blink of an eye.

God is the true master craftsman. He is a potter who is making something beautiful out of every life. He will take the old ugly mistakes, hardships and sins and make them into something completely new!

When you truly know God, you can live victoriously! So whatever the ugliness is in your life, be assured that through the blood of Christ, God molds you and makes you into something beautiful! Many people can testify to how God has changed them. Ive never heard of anyone regretting putting their faith in jesus.

Are you saved? God can turn the worst of situations into good! Joeseph was left for dead and put into slavery by his brothers, he was abandonded, afraid, probably thought his life was over. But he trusted God, he then eventually became second in command of Egypt. Without looking into the future it can be hard to be optimistic. If you put your faith with jesus he wont abandon you, he will love you and give you a new life. All you have to do is accept jesus as your lord and savior and ask for forgiveness of your sin, he will wash away all your sin (everyone has sin, i'm not judging you by what I say).


Jesus knows your pain, because he went through all the different pains possible when he was tortured and then nailed to a cross. He layed down his life for me and you, so that we can have eternal life in heaven. All we have to do is accept him as our lord and savior and ask for forgiveness for our sin. Jesus loves you with love that cant be compared, he loves you so much that he died for you. He can change you. He changes people every single day. You can say that one of his job descriptions is "Life Changer". He knows your trouble, he cares for you, and he wants you to know him. He will comfort us when there seems to be no comfort available. He is our friend when everyone else seems to not care, he provides for us when we are without, and he gives us strength when we are weak. He washes away all our sin when we have lived sinfilled lives. He is offering the gift of everlasting life in heaven free of charge, its your choice whether you accept his offer.
By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 18:15

You would SERIOUSLY suck as a Jehovah's witness but it sounds like you'd enjoy that so why don't you speak to people face to face instead of being a laptop savior?
By anonymous at 17,Feb,12 14:42

I do my best to help people face to face aswell. Why so much hate for me? Jehovahs Witness? please... those people are scammers. I'm only giving a message, you can ignore it if you like, thats fine with me. Im not asking for money or bugging anyone. What I want to get at is your anger, why would you be angry over such a harmless comment?
By anonymous at 17,Feb,12 20:02

Because I know it's turning people AWAY from God because they are sick of the generic God stuff. What these people need is someone to actually talk to them and help them through their problems. Their problems will not get solved by praying. Ive even had a priest tell me that...that I have to take action, I can't just pray and expect a result. You have to walk the walk if you are to serve God. that means helping people with their unique problems by really focusing on what they have said and what their obstacles are. God helps those who help themselves and he REALLY really helps those who help others. I can guarantee you are making people more mad at God while saving zero by doing what you do because you are young and ignorant and cannot understand the depth of pain these people have. This answer you copy and paste does not help them. You need to stop and be like God through your compassion.
Jesus didn't tell people who were hungry to pray, he fed them.
He didn't simply preach God to the lame, he healed them.

You have to actively do things to help people by actually attacking the things that are crippling them, and if you dont have the answers for them, then have faith that GOD will bring someone along that can speak to them and touch their soul on the level they need, but it will not be your cut and pasted message.

Even Jesus told new stories/parables appropriate for each situation.


By Gogi at 07,Mar,13 12:35

where are we headed Tom?? I mean seiosurly.. how far will we go with this entire movement? Will people get sick of it eventually? Informatino that used to bring in money is now FREE. OK the free stuff has taken away jobs. No worries but even jobs in airlines, etc have been removed because AUTOMATION, internet, technology programs, cognitive surplus. But those jobs are gone.. So what next??


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