How to overcome
your powerty demons

Stop Anxiety
and panic attacks

Get Paid For
Using Social Sites!

Save Your Relationship
No Matter How Bad
Your Situation Appears

LIFE SUCKS

Stories submitted by real people.

[Tell Your Story]

Categories:

Abuse  Addictions  Alcohol  Anger  Anxiety  Appearance  Attitude  Bad Luck  Childhood  Crime  Death  Disappointment  Drinking  Drugs  Environment  Failure  Family  Friendship  General  Health  Independent circumstances  Job  Justice  Juvenile problems  Life Story  Loneliness  Meaninglessness  Mistakes  Money  Philosophical  Poverty  Prank  Racial  Relationship  Religion  Reputation  School  Sexuality  Society  Sociopathy  Stepdad  Stepmom  Stress  Tragic Events  Unemployment  Violence  


Archive by Month:
July 2012
2012 June
2012 May
2012 April
2012 March
2012 February
2012 January
2011 December
2011 November
2011 October
2011 September
2011 August
2011 July
2011 June
2011 May
2011 April
2011 March
2011 February
2011 January
2010 December
2010 November
2010 October
2010 September
2010 August
2010 July
2010 June
2010 May
2010 April
2010 March
2010 February
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 2009
January 2009
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
May 2008
February 2008
January 2008


Ads:

What is this

Posted by anonymous at February 2, 2012
Tags: Attitude  2012 February

I am 21. I am in community college, my girlfriend has just recently left me, i shoot heroin. I was born empty, and for a while i ignored my conscience. Then i decided not to ignore it because for a while i found faith in Karma, or essentially "what goes around comes around". I don't believe in that anymore. I don't believe in god, and i actually have a pretty strong hatred of all organized religeon's.

I do think their are good people out there. My girlfriend was a great person, nice, sweet, caring, didnt shoot heroin. I wasn't good enough for her. I've been a disapointment to everyone i've ever met. My father abandoned me, but not enough to not actually be there, he still calls to yell at me to do better with my life. He still uses child support pay as a way of saying he WAS a good dad. Yet he left me with a mother who cares more about her happiness than mine, and an abusive step dad and a shitty older brother.

I can remember being lectured and beaten for HOURS, every day sometimes, about how i wasn't smart, how i would never succeed, and what not. My girlfriend said i could succeed, and that i am a great person, she believes 110% just like my good friends (the bad ones shoot dope) that i will succeed in life. They all think im smart, but i can't be smart, i shoot fucking heroin.

My girlfriend never knew, neither did the last one, or the one before that. They all say the same things. "I could never love you the way you love me, your just not my missing puzzle piece, you WILL make someone happy mike, just not me". My pattern with women falls in with my pattern of life.

They tell me to do something i'll enjoy with my life. How can i do that when the only thing i ever really enjoyed was shooting heroin? They tell me i'm a great guy with infinite potential. How can that be when i lie, cheat and steal from basically everyone i know. I stole my friends dead dog's painkillers for christ sake....got pretty jammed too

I've stolen from nearly everyone i know. Friends, family, social workers....i've found a way to lie, cheat and manipulate and steal from all of these people. These stupid people who believe in me.

I cry almost every night since my girlfriend left me.....i wasn't even a good boyfriend....i shot dope and cheated on her. Actually, i have cheated on literally EVERY one of my serious girlfriends. I deserve to die and im too much of a pussy to kill myself. WTF does that make me?

I have a GPA of 3.3. I'm almost done with my associates degree. I have 6 days clean today and after i'm done typing this im going to take a shower and get high. It won't make me feel better....In fact it will probably make me cry. I just keep thinking that maybe I dont deserve to have a good life....maybe some people were born to just kill themselves. Or just can't ever naturally be happy.

I know all of my friends, family and girlfriends would be better off without me. They all know it too. It's better to just do what makes you happy, even if it kills you, because lifes short anyway....I just wish i could've been better, i wish i was better. I wish i believed in myself and believed i had the ability to go on. but i dont.

In the end, i know why this is all true though.

It's because i don't want to get better. It's because i dont want to be a good person. I want it to be this way subconsciencously. I love crying myself to sleep at night for some twisted fucking reason.

I love misery......I love anger.....i love rage......i love heroin

God. Please kill me.


Votes:


New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 15,Feb,12 22:59

there's a lot one could say, but the one thing that is simple is that your father leaving your family had nothing to do with you, he didn't leave because you weren't good enough for him, he left the family because he's a shit.

your life is tough, but you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, you have a lot of potential. if you want to get over drugs try Smartrecovery, you can find it online.

when you are on drugs nothing makes any sense, and it won't make any sense to you get off of drugs. I know, I was there, and I hate drugs, but it's your choice.


By anonymous at 15,Feb,12 23:33

My heart breaks to hear how much self torture you deal with. Addiction is torture. Youre stuck in a cycle of destruction and you cant get out on your own. You believe youre not worth it. You confirm it by every wrong decision that you've ever made and still make. you shoot bc it nums you for a short while and even now the only reason you continue to do so is because you hate who you are. Its a snowball effect. The truth is that you hate the addiction which has created you to be who you are. You are not bad. You hate the bad choices you make and you continue to do so bc you believe youre not worth it. But you are. Im so sorry for your pain. sincerely and honestly.

I found healing in Jesus. I too know what it means to hit rock bottom. To hate life and myself, wishing I was dead only to continue my bad habits to num the pain. Life was never meant to be like this. Life utterly sucks but you can always find some light in the midst of darkness. Do me a favor and ask God to reveal himself to you. that you are at the end of your rope and you need him bc there is nothing else you can do. People hate God bc of the circumstances in their lives, but its not God whose to blame, its Satan. You believe in good and evil. You know whats rt from wrong. Those standards came from some where. Hate evil not yourself. Take that misery, anger, rage, and heroin and hate it to the point that you wont let it take control over you. Hate it so much that you wont let it devour you. Dont allow it to take your life away. Choose to hate evil and hate the self loathing by starving the satisfaction of hating yourself. Does that make sense? We are meant for more. you are meant for more. You are NOT perfect nor will you ever be perfect so stop setting yourself up for failure. Theres a book called Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee. It helped me a lot. What's there to lose? Lastly forgive yourself... its the hardest thing i have to do daily and quite frankly there are more days then not that i want to have a self pity party and just hate myself for not being good enough. Guess what ? I will never be and in order to move on in life I just need to accept what abilities I have and what I dont. Look. Jesus is the only answer. Im not talking about religion. not a church building, not doctrine or traditions, im talking about Christ himself. Christians are hypocritical bc we will never be perfect. Dont hate christ bc christians may have burned you. Seek him. not religion. find a bible and read john. Thats the only hope I have. I pray that you will find the light. He came to set the captives free. He came for you and me. He loved us first knowing what we are capable of doing. He knows our every thought, past, future and he still loves you. I pray for freedom in your life. I pray for joy and peace. I pray for wholeness and healing, I pray you will see yourself the way the God of the universe sees you... no matter what he still and will always love you. praying for you.
By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 01:07

OH please, this guys a druggy thieving AIDS spreading douche.
By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 20:01

go kill yourself for that comment
By anonymous at 17,Feb,12 20:04

You first and tell us where you're gonna reincarnate cuz you must be a living Buddha with your totally balanced response.


By anonymous at 15,Feb,12 23:44

Congrats about graduating. You are a drug addict and still able to graduate. That's a lot. I still don't even have my associates because I am broke and unemployed. Cant even get aid. I am 27 years old and have wasted my life. Yes, your family was horrible to you but obviously you are a survivor. You are about to graduate and get your degree. You are young and have so much ahead of you. Girlfriends at 21 doesn't mean anything. You will meet many others that you will fall in love with. At least you have had girlfriends. Many haven't even had one. You have potential and opportunity. Don't let drugs or what happened with your dysfunctional family rule you. Quit. Get help with others going through the same thing. Take some antidepressants and take control.

You have so much. Don't give up. Good luck.


By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 01:06

"I've stolen from nearly everyone i know. Friends, family, social workers....i've found a way to lie, cheat and manipulate and steal from all of these people. These stupid people who believe in me. "

You are whats wrong with the world. You hurt others to feel good. Don't expect sympathy from us, you would screw us over too! Instead of giving you take. You'd probably get a gf put in jail for robbing a place for you. You can live to get high or live for love. If you chose drugs over people, don't expect people to stick around or for sht to work out for you.
By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 20:02

negative nacy
By anonymous at 17,Feb,12 20:05

Dopehead Derrik.


By anonymous at 16,Feb,12 02:43

I agree with the first comment, but I also have something to say on a different note. "Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28. I know you said you hate religion and I do aswell to an extent. Heck, it was the "religious" who put Jesus on the cross. Religion is mans way of making rules to try to become good enough for heaven. The fact is, we can never be good enough, hence why jesus died on the cross for our sin. Jesus can make a huge change in your life, for example, youtube search: i am second brian welch. Take it or leave it, the truth is jesus loves you no matter what garbage you've done, he wants to know you and he wants to give you life!

Regards,


By at 19,Feb,12 17:18

Sounds like you are the one with the problem. Your life doesn't suck. You suck. You know you have a problem based on what you have written. my advice to you, is to find a rehab program that is free or doesn't cost a lot since I assume you're broke. And I'm not saying all this to be mean. You really need some serious professional help and your drug habit will not be something you can kick on your own when YOU are ready to quit. When you're ready to quit find some professional help to kick your drug habit. Your family may have been hard on you, but that was no excuse to harm your body with drugs. Only you can make your life better, you were the one that fucked it up.


By cheap link building at 24,Sep,13 11:33

6KdJ5y Thanks for the blog article.Much thanks again. Much obliged.


New Comment