Hello. My life sucks. I cry almost every day.
Here's the story of my life:
My parents have been divorced since I was born.
My mom has abused me physically and mentally since i was a child. I've never been beat up "too badly." but she'd throw punches at me, sometimes it's just because I look like my father. my dad doesn't love me. he told me he didn't when i was a child and that he just wanted my custody to get back at my mom. ( he cheated on my mom )
my step sister would try to get me in trouble as a child and I'd get beat up for the lies she'd tell. i was the fat kid in elementary school and high school... and i still kinda am, even though i don't think im fat. i don't even have a double chin. im just a size 10 or 12.
i haven't had a real best friend until i turned 16. and still i sometimes feel sad because i can't talk to anyone about my problems because they don't know how to react. nobody shows me they love me until im gone.
ive been molested by my step father when he was drunk. my mom doesnt believe me when i told her he did.
i wanted to kill myself sophomore year in high school but stopped myself and ended up being sent to the hospital.
i've always been bullied and made fun of. i haven't been complimented much, ever. it's so easy to pick on me.
i was sexually assaulted last week in my dorm by a random guy because my roommate left the door unlocked.
i had my first love when i turned 18 last july and he left me without giving me any reason besides that " I didn't give him enough attention. " when... my mom now hates me because she knew i loved him. id spend 3-4 days a week with him and still had to maintain a high gpa in college.
he left me in october and it still kills me because im still in love with him to this day. he tried hard to get rid of every memory of me and disposed everything that reminded him of me. he unblocked me on facebook 2 weeks ago before i got sexually assaulted. the guy who sexually assaulted me knows im the one who called the police and now i fear he might kill or send someone to kill me any moment.
i freaked out the day i found out he got out on bail ( 2 days ago ) and i was calling all my friends telling them i could be dead any time now. i messaged his best friend on facebook ( who i think hates me *i don't know why* ) to tell my ex that i might be dead any moment and before something happens to me i want to know if my ex hates me and i want his best friend to tell him that he was smarter and nicer than i ever was.
i still haven't gotten a reply. my ex also hasn't called me.
the fact that i could be dead and he's not trying to contact me kills me inside.
i honestly wish my sexual assaulter could just find and kill me now because of it.
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God uses the weak, the powerless and broken, the hurt, the poor, and the lonely in GREAT ways. Heres a illustration: A potter will take a helpless, lifeless lump of clay and then knead it and squeeze it until it's soft and pliable. And then when he gets it just right, he takes that piece of clay and he does something called throwing, where he places the clay on a spinning table.
aAnd as that clay is placed upon that turning wheel, the potter's hands then begin to pressure the clay and work it until he makes something beautiful out of that old ugly piece of clay.
God is the true master craftsman. He is a potter who is making something beautiful out of every life. He will take the old ugly mistakes and sins and make them into something completely new!
When you truly know God, you can live victoriously! So whatever the ugliness is in your life, be assured that through the blood of Christ, God molds you and makes you into something beautiful! Many people can testify to how God has changed them. Ive never heard of anyone regretting putting their faith in jesus.
Are you saved? God can turn the worst of situations into good! Joeseph was left for dead and put into slavery by his brothers, he was abandonded, afraid, probably thought his life was over. But he trusted God, he then eventually became second in command of Egypt. Without looking into the future it can be hard to be optimistic. If you put your faith with jesus he wont abandon you, he will love you and give you a new life. All you have to do is accept jesus as your lord and savior and ask for forgiveness of your sin, he will wash away all your sin (everyone has sin, i'm not judging you by what I say).
What is she a fking DOG? Learn some tact and manners when talking to people.
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