I feel selfish writing here, because my life doesn't have to be bad. My life has SO much potential and I was given SO many opportunities. And I've done nothing but manage to ruin everything. I came from a upper-middle class family with a nice home, and I made my family's life hell. I was a brat who was unappreciated of my surroundings, thinking I was owed life and rebellion to society was the answer. It landed me with horrible relationships with my parents, brothers, and extensive family for my whole adolescence. I had friends, good friends. I took them for granted. I never returned favors, I traded loyalty for attention, and thought boys were more important than girl friends. They got sick of me and stopped listening. Every time something bad happened it just gave me reason to push into reclusion more. As if I was getting back at the world by not being part of it. I dated boys every one told me not to, and they were abusive physically and emotionally. I went off to college without saying bye to a single person from home except for my mom. I didn't leave my dorm room and did nothing but cry. When I did eventually tried to become social, I realized the window for making new college friends was closed. I met a boy, who I loved. He introduced me to drugs. He abused me. For three years I immersed myself into the drug culture, until I had a psychotic break. It scared me so much I ran from every one I had met as a result of him, probably for the better. I realized I hadn't made friends, I'd made enablers. I am turning 22 soon. I have no friends, and IT IS MY FAULT. As a result of having no friends I stay inside. I don't have the chance to meet anyone, especially a life partner. When I leave school I will move back home with my parents, where all my relationships are lost. My life is a lonely, miserable wreck. And I know why; I'm my own worst enemy. Now I realize, all I want are healthy relationships, to give what I have and to care about others. I feel like my chance has passed me, no one wants to spend effort on me. I've wasted so much time that could have been amazing. I was given the world and spit on it. I'M LITERALLY A WASTE OF LIFE AND I KNOW IT.