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This all just feels wrong

Posted by anonymous at May 5, 2010
Tags: 2010 May  Meaninglessness

So far my life has been going fine. I have a great family and go to a good school (public) and I've got everything set to go to college. But I just feel like my life is completely wrong. I'm not exactly what you would call happy, and I don't feel like I ever will be. I just don't feel like I have any real reason to live. Sometimes it feels like if I had been born in a different time period or in a different place, things would be different and I might have something to live for. As it stands, I feel like this is what my life will amount to: go to college, get a job, work so I can survive, try and find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with (this might be kinda hard because I have problems developing deep, emotional relationships), maybe have kids, and then eventually die. And every time I start feeling hopeless like this I just want to go join the military so I can at least feel like my death might be worth something. I think that my biggest problem is that I feel like I need some big conflict to help me figure out who I am, but so far I've just been floating through life watching everything go by. I don't know, I just felt like typing this out so I can try and figure out what is going on in my head haha.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 05,May,10 23:01

your should do community service it helps with this


By anonymous at 06,May,10 09:06

i feel the same way and i did join the military but i wouldent be able to go to colledge i have no money and my life is basically a joke to the world so urs isent as bad as mine i think u have it good


By at 06,May,10 19:51

This is strange cuz it echoes my life.

I feel the same way about almost everything you've written. There are a few differences though:

I have gone to a good school and college and am now doing my masters, don't really have problems with relationships per se and I don't think joining the military is going to do me any good. In other words, like you, I have what others call a normal life.

However, it STILL doesn't feel right, I don't exactly feel much joy, and I too wonder if all my life is ever going to simply be Eat. Work. Die.

I've done my share of charity work and whatever things nice, normal people do.

But I like you, I just feel like I'm floating through life as an observer.

There must be something more to this life. Or are we just not seeing it? OR, do we see the truth?

Would be good to hear from you in reply.


By Nick at 07,May,10 01:15

@Hmm

Yeah I know what you mean. And I kind of worded that wrong; I don't exactly have trouble forging new friendships or anything like that, I just meant that I'm not very intimate. I probably just haven't found the right person(s) yet.
And I think that the thing that is missing from our lives might be passion for something. I don't know about you, but I have yet to find anything that I am extremely passionate about. Well, I do like the outdoors and being out in nature; but that is about it and it is relatively hard to pursue because I'm still in highschool and I live in the city. Do you have any thing that really makes you want to get up in the morning?
I think another part of my problem might just be highschool. The vast majority of my time at school is spent doing busy work and a seemingly endless stack of work that isn't really teaching me anything.
I think that highschool might be the problem because of the following -- Last month I was feeling really down and depressed in general. I went up to visit the college I'm attending in the fall, and seeing all of the awesome things I'll be doing got me really pumped and excited. I felt pretty good and a lot happier. Then I came back to highschool, and I went back to being depressed.
Either highschool is just depressing or I'm bipolar haha
And now that I think about it, I think that what I'm really lacking is a sense of adventure. Yeah, I think that that is the root of my problem. Sorry that this was so long, I was just typing things as I thought of them and my mind jumps around a lot haha
So do you think that any of this might apply to you? And/Or have you thought of any other theories?
By the way: what are you getting your masters in?


By at 07,May,10 05:23

@Nick

I agree on the need for adventure - whatever form it may be; it just seems like we need something that shakes us out of the ordinary. Maybe you'll go to college and all this will disappear in your years there, but then again you might one day pause to think and find yourself in the same place again.

The one thing I'm really passionate about is electronic music - mainly progressive house. I could really feel alive whilst losing myself in the tunes..and I want to go out and make these tracks which keep coming in my head but I can't.

I can't cuz to really make something needs money invested in equipment etc but here I am working towards a 'stable future' i.e. my masters in International Business, after which I'll get a job, and then (hopefully) find time and money enough to do what I really want.

Sigh. So much said. On a different note, I think people like us think too much. I don't know. I'm 23 and I don't know. Haha. C'est la vie.

Al.


By anonymous at 07,May,10 16:51

i was like you when i first joined college/university

so your kind of thinking basically fucked up my life

i am 27 now and still in college, and have managed to clear only the first year of it

3 years still to go

and everyone calls me a failure at my face or behind my back

so what i am telling you is to either abandon society like buddha or mccandles or whatever the fuck that alaska leaving idiot's name was....

or screw up like i did...

because with what you are thinking there is no other way out other than screwing up your life big time


BUT HEY, be happy..

one thing good about life is that its not permanent

we all die

haha thats the good part.. nothing really matters...
By anonymous at 07,May,10 23:35

Stop being a whiney little bitch. My life sucks...blah, blah... Your life isn't over and it is never too late to change things. Stop thinking about what other stupid people say or think about you, you can't control that, so why bother? Look forward, not backward. Can't change the past, only your future. Whining won't change a damn thing.
By anonymous at 09,May,10 18:00

ah but the future is death..

yours and mine
By anonymous at 16,Nov,11 11:28

the future for everyone...good, bad, and ugly


By anonymous at 16,Nov,11 11:32

Sucks to figure it all out like this at an early age...I always find myself wondering are there really people who dont understand the way it really is and go through their whole lives (80-90 yrs) without ever thinking like this??

I have to say I envy them very much.

Well you certainly have the blueprint down, but you sound alot like me, doing it just because "its what your supposed to do" instead of what you want to do.

I would recommend taking a long time to think about it before making any leaps in terms of marriage and kids. If you are doing it because its what you are supposed to do, then anything less then "ideal or perfect" is gonna be a huge letdown for you.

And there is no such thing as perfection in life. And certainly not in marriages.


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