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Can It Just Be Over Please?

Posted by Tired Girl at February 18, 2012
Tags: Bad Luck  2012 February

I just turned 18 and I have nothing left in the whole world.

I had a perfect life; mom, dad, brother, money, white picket fence... I had best friends who I had known since I was three, I had everything any all american child should have. And then it all went away.

When I was 16, my parents died in a car accident. My brother was in the car with them and nearly died as well, they managed to keep him alive but he had been in a coma ever since.

My 22 year old cousin who I barely knew had to come and take care of us. He was still in college and didn't know what to do with us, but he was the only family we had. He came to live in our parents house but spent most of the time smoking pot. He got stains on my mother's favorite couch, and broke her best china. And I know that things like that don't seem like a big deal, but they broke my heart.

Anyway, we soon discovered that my daddy had been keeping quiet about our money situation. His business was going under and he hadn't told us. We were completely broke. I had to sell our house, drop out of high school and get a full time job to be able to continue paying for my brother's medical bills. Our cousin tried to help, but he was juggling college with a part time job in the city so there wasn't much he could do.

About a year later, one of my best friends, someone I had known my whole life, was raped and murdered. In our small, friendly town, right under our noses. No one was really the same after that, the other two friends I was closest with drifted away from me. One of them took up drugs and got addicted pretty bad. And the other hung out in the worst parts of town and pretended she didn't care about anything in the world. It was like she was asking for what happened to our friend to happen to her.

For a while when I was 17 there was a guy. He was 23, and he was nice to me, he helped me and spoiled me and made me feel like maybe things could work out after all. Then one day he decided he'd had enough, I had been a charity case. A 'pretty face to get him by' nothing more than a distraction. I didn't understand, I thought that there was more between us than that. Turns out I was wrong. He left and I never heard from him again.

The cost of keeping my brother in hospital was enormous but I refused to give up on him. I worked my ass off, 18 hours a day in menial jobs to support him. And then, just before I turned 18, he died.

I was heartbroken. He was my baby brother, he was the one thing that had kept me going. I had gone to the hospital every single day and sat by his bed and talked to him and it had kept me grounded. He was the only thing in my life that mattered. And then he was just gone.

I couldn't even afford a proper funeral for him.

My 18th birthday came (one month ago) and the cousin who'd been 'taking care of me' announced that he was leaving to take a job in Arizona. He took off two days later.

Now I live by myself in a tiny apartment in Atlanta, working as a waitress in a diner for minimum wage. I have nobody in my life who would care whether or not a made it home at night. I have nobody in the world who I can call for help or just to talk to.

I have nothing. And I don't understand why the universe had to throw so much at me. What did I do to deserve all of this? Was I a horrible person? I don't understand.

And I want it all just to be over.


New Comment

By at 25,Feb,12 21:31

Hi, I just read your story and I kind of understand your situation, mine is kind of bad too, not as bad as yours but still a bad one... if you want someone to talk with let me know and we can exchange msn info or fb...

By at 26,Feb,12 00:43

I am so sorry about all you have been through and at such a young age. You come across as years older/so much more mature than a 18 year old girl. Do you have no relatives? An aunt or uncle? Grandparents?

Why don't you apply for financial aid and go to school part time? College is a great time to make friends and all. Not to mention getting your degree and making something of yourself. You are very young and have a lot of ahead of you. Think about what it is that you want to do with your life. Life may have been hard so far but you don't know what the future holds. You've already survived so much and I am sure there are better things in your horizon. You seem like a bright girl who is hard working and ambitious. Best of luck.

By anonymous at 26,Feb,12 04:31

Did someone really say 'not really that bad' to this?

Stay strong sweetheart

By anonymous at 26,Feb,12 05:12

I've never said this in my life, but my heart goes out to you.

You didn't do anything to deserve any of it. And there is nothing about the concepts of "fate" or "God" that will give you true strength to come out of this with your best potential.

If I were in your situation, I would want it to be all over too.. but you have to realize, it IS all over. The worst is in the past.

You may think that you have nothing, but you always have a choice.

I think Nadia is right. You DO seem like a bright girl. Strong too, to say the least, for making it through all that. I think you can go far with that.

By anonymous at 26,Feb,12 14:08

I clicked on this to comment but dont really know what to say.. Here I was feeling sorry for myself for having a bad day and then I read your story. I am so sorry for all that you have been through and sometimes crappy things happen to good people, you did nothing to deserve anything bad that has happened in your life.
But I agree with what someone else wrote, try to get financial aid and get yourself into community college or something. I felt very alone after high school but met some great friends in college.
Even if its not about making friends you could apply to an online school so you could continue to work and support yourself.
Dont give up yet!! you are so strong to have made it this far.

By anonymous at 27,Feb,12 04:31

Were u a horriable person?? Dats what u asked in your post and the answer is NO, U were a most responsible, Loving sister a kind human being. You did ur best to save da life of ur bro. U could easily live a comfortable life wid what had been provided to u but u left no stone unturned to save ur bro.U sold ur house,worked beyond ur strenght wid just a HOPE to get ur bro back though i know u better knew dat his chaces of survival were least. I am really proud of u sister. Donno what should i write now. Just want to say u are not alone.Think of me as ur brother and feel free to mail me whenever u feel like lonely or need to talk to someone my id
Take care

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