My life has been full of fucked up stituations and constint lying. My girlfriend would know this best, we have been together for two yaers and unfortuntly I have been lying to her for far too long. And i tell her i wont lie to her again, but then it happens anyway, and its allways about little things and sometimes big things, and things that I didn't even need to lie about, but did anyway because i was used to either hiding it very well, or just getting away with it and taking advantage of her trust in me. But in the end its all the same and it breaks her heart everytime. As to why she has put up with my bullshit for so long I don't know? And now we have a kid together whitch is the only thing keeping us together because we don't want him growing up the same house hold we did,a fucked up one. Shes been in relationships were she had been lied to by all her boyfriends and husband to whom she was married to for three years. When she met me i was in a different place in my life.Smoking,drinking and partying like i didn't have a care in the world, and once we met she told me she saw things in me that reminder her of her husband. Some bad and some good, I did my best to really show the good guy in me to her but since I was a rookie in the whole relationship area I really didn't know how to act when we had fights. So I would just sit there and listen to her cry and pour her heart out to me and I said nothing back. I know now looking back on it what i should have done, but didn't know how to. But enough of the past the reason Im writing this down is to help me and anyone who may also have a lying problem to try and really look at youself and find the root of it. My is that Im afraid of faluire, not just to the people i care most about and love, but to myself as a son and a farther. My girlfriend has every right to want to leave me because the lies I told her were over me watching porn online and making up a story about someone hacking into my computer just to watch it. I know what thinking,well that was dumb of you and your right, my girlfriend always told me that if I was straight forword with her and told the truth that she would always forgive me. As to why I never listen,maybe, because when I did lie we never fought and everything was pretty flowers and the white pickit fence bullshit. But when I got caught we fought with words and threats of leaving and taking the son away or being thrown out of the house. You would think with two years of this bullshit lying, I would have learned my lesson but Im a hard head just like her. But this time might be the last straw for her, the last time I got caught watching porn and lied, and then later she was looking at my history on my laptop and she found it, and broke down into tears and almost left. I told her I would never do it again and if i did then she could leave without me stopping her,and so like the dumbass Iam I looked it up on youtube thinking she wounld't look there and sure enough she did, and if anyone knows youtube you can't watch porn on it. So now she hates me and wishes i were dead and won't talk to me, she told she is staying because she has nowhere to go and when she doe's I won't be able to see my son until the weekend. So those who read this can maybe take something from it and think about if its really worth lying to your partner, because now i might have to face the reality of me losing everything i love the most, my family. | |
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