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whats the point?

Posted by dreams>life at February 19, 2012
Tags: 2012 February  Juvenile problems

in second grade...my mother gave Me the option to decide if i wanted to be home schooled or not. being a child i picked staying at home all day, duh. i stayed home schooled til 9th grade. went into high school with no fiends, no social skills, no style, no money, no clothes, no nothing, no clue what to do. i went thru my whole high school life with no fiends what so ever, just tormenting bullies was the closest bond i had. til senior year when i reunited with my old friend from grade school. to this day he is still my only friend, and i graduated 2 years ago. after high school i went into community college, where i ran out of gas money for the commute and my family wouldnt help me out what so ever, thus ruining my financial aid and any chance of gettin back into college. i remember one time comming back from college i was broke down on the highway for EIGHT hours, trying to get my parents to come get me, they said they were hurrying, but they showed up with home made pizza, all of my family was wet, i found out after i called they all went swimming...went home..made dinner..ate it...hung out...THEN came and got me. and made me watch them eat pizza the whole way home. my family truely doesnt care about me. ive ran away 3 times and theyve never searched. you think ur life is bad?
After my college stuff was ruined, i got a good job at this warehouse, 12/12 shift 4 days a week, not bad. but my mom was overly jealous that i made more money then her. so she made it a point to let me know that if my car ever broke down, that theres no chance i could take hers, that if i needed to go to bed early, that theres no chance she will keep the noise down. and she kept her word. i came home from a 14hr shift and wanted to go straight to bed. she said shes not turning the music down and i need to find somewhere else to sleep tonight. i tired. couldnt find ne where. didnt go to sleep that night. went to go to work the next day, car wouldnt start. mom wouldnt let me take hers. and i lost the job of my life. i would be far better of in this world if i would of been put up for adoption when i was young, this family has ruined me, what parent lets a 5yr old choose to go to school? what parent ruins there sons job and schooling? As for a girlfriend, im in love with a girl and my hearts reserved. with a gay girl. we hooked up for a summer and had the best summer ive had, ever. ive never connected with someone so much, never laughed so much, neer had so much fun, never seen ne one more beautiful. then she decided to move a state away and be with her gf. leaving me back here with my drunk dirty horrible family, i cant shake the love of her. shes told me it wouldnt work out cuz shes gay...but i still cant shake it. i think about her when i wake up, when i got to bed, i have dreams about her, idk whats wrong with me. i only wanther, and no other girls even catch my eye, i think im a pretty sexy dude and i have babes checkin me out all the time, but i dont want them. i want that girl that made me happy.
all in all my life is a train wreck. 21 and still live with my mom that tells me im shit everyday, kicks me out everyday, my parents just split up cuz my dad wasa drunk compulsive liar, which makes my mom twice as unpleasent to be around. no job, 1 friend that i rarely see and is addicted to meth, no girl cuz my hearts confused.
go to bed crying every night...wake up miserable...think about suicide on the regular...everytime i think about it i breakdown and cry..cuz i know one day ill do it..one day ill have had enough and want to show my mom wants shes done. what the lack of caring and horrible mothering has done.
if i had a good mother...i would have never been homeschooled, i would of went through school, made it through college, and would have a nice job right now. but no. thats not the life i was ment to live i guess. i predict ill still live here when im 30 and ill hang my self from the cat walk right outside my mothers window. and no one will even realize im gone.


Votes:


Similar Entries:
Whats the point of living February 25, 2012
WHATS THE POINT IN GOING ON? March 27, 2010
Not sure what to do... February 18, 2012
What's The Point? March 19, 2012
my life is no good!! August 4, 2011



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Comments:
By anonymous at 26,Feb,12 21:59

Noisy in your house? Buy earplugs? Car breaks down? Call a cab. Chick don't like you? Find one who does. Quit crying because your mom and a lesbo don't like you. Yeah it sucks but pretend you live on your own and don't expect your family to bail you out. Car breaks down on the road, then call a tow truck. Why wait 8 hours for anybody? If they aren't coming after the first two hours then what are you a dog? You have to take initiative and make decisions. You can't expect your family to help. If what you're saying is true, guess what you don't have a tight family. Realize that and work around it.
By bob at 27,Feb,12 16:44

Preach!


By anonymous at 27,Feb,12 03:56

Sorry to hear Bout how your feeling right now! Your only 21 so that's a plus you have more and more opportunities to come things will get better. Once you get a new job save up and tell your mom your gone and that you don't need all there distinction anymore. Maybe.find a job with people.in your age group so you.can meet friends at work and.eventually maybe meet a new girl once you start feeling more up to it. Stay positive there are kids much younger then you who are living in a much worse Hell then you who can't make any decisions or changes. Things will get better!!
By anonymous at 27,Feb,12 03:57

Not distinction I meant her bullshit


By anonymous at 27,Feb,12 14:19

Just a part of life man, but I gotta agree with the other guys who commented, you got to take initiative. I know life can be hard and get you down but make the most of it, you only get one. I know how you feel about the girl, I was in love with a girl since the day I met her and constantly tried to get her to be with me but it just never happened. Then I moved for college and I was still in love with her, but she wanted nothing to do with me because how far away I lived (about 6 hours). I basically went into depression, I had no friends, no job (got fired just before I moved), no girl, no internet, nothing... I was a wreck inside, my family wasn't the biggest of help but I knew I was helping them so I put a fake smile on and did my best to hide how I felt. But finally with effort things started falling into place. Now I have a job, great friends, and an amazing girlfriend who I plan on marrying one day. I guess my point is to never give up. When one door closes another one opens, and though things are tough it'll turn around.


By Nazni at 10,Dec,15 16:20

i love the feel of your photos the ntuaral beauty to each and every one of them. they are all so warm and delicious. oh, and i'm holly. hi! i love your blog.


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