I am really scared to do what I am doing now, which is writing about my utter loneliness and constant fear of doing things wrong. I have never done this kind of thing before so its a first. Please be considerate when if you decide to reply, as I am writing this to get to know the kinds of people who are willing to understand and for me to call them my friends. I have read some of the comments people leave on other posts and I was just mortified by just how cruel and mean some people can be and very glad to also see just how kind and absolutely beautiful others are.
Anyways let me open up. I am a 17 year old girl from England who just absolutely have no idea how depressed and lonely I have become in the last 4 years of my life. I would love to tell you all about everything but I just do not know where to begin and where to end. I cry almost every night feeling that twisting pain of lonliness in my chest. I suddenly feel cold, but cold from inside. I feel empty becuase I want to feel someone close but there is no one to feel... What is life really without someone? I love to share me with someone. I feel robotic as though I am programmed to get up early go to college come back and then sleep or more accuratley cry.
Funny how they say "go outside get some fresh air and socialise, it'll make you feel better!" when in reality it is being depressed that STOPS me from doing those things. I utterly feel so weird for not going out that much, for not having any friends, or for not having a boyfriend. You see, its not being desperate for a boyfriend or a friend for that matter, but desperate for that SPECIAL understanding and connection, that love, that passion and that friendship you can't get from anywhere.
I definitely understand when some people on this site write things like "People say that I am good looking but I can't find anyone" Well I for one know that it is NOT beauty but something more that makes people attractive. In my life, I have been told that I look good or that I am a nice person or my hair looks good or this and that. That does not make me happy because I dont rejoyce over looks and beauty but understanding, connection and love. That is what I want and that is what I look for.
I would love a friend. I would love a boyfriend. I would love to be blessed with someone to call my soulmate. Just anyone to hear me out and for me to listen would be amazing. I may be in England but I don't really care if you declare you're from Mars as long as you are feeling what I am feeling or willing to be a special person. I want to move to a different country where it is sunnier and warm so at leat I would feel the physical warmth:)
I don't even feel good to start to talk about college. Yes I am doing very good but for who? Me? My obvious family? I would like to have an outside person in my life to work hard for, to be appreciated by, oh and TO BE LOVED. I am leaving my Email here which is questvida@gmail.com
Many people write about being lonely and misunderstood but if WE do not communicate then who will communicate with us? I am a million percent sure that my situation is just as bad if not worse that everybody's when it comes to loneliness, depression, not going out or feeling as though you belong anywhere. Thank you so much for reading...
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