I am 28 years old, single, with a three year old son. The father left me. He went to school to become a diver so he lives out of state now. Before we got pregnant we would spend every day together. As soon as we got pregnant he decided to bail. He has a child from a previous marriage that he has his mother raising. That should have been a major red flag for me, but it wasnt, til after I got pregnant. Since he has left town last October, his mother has been helping me out with our son, his second son. She has been taking up the slack for him being a dead beat, but now she complains of being tired. I dont blame her. She is in her 60's and works full time on top of caring for his ten year old child. I have begged him to come back to town and find a local job, but he argues there are no jobs that pay decent here in town unless he flips hamburgers. I tell him that our son misses him deeply and he tells me I should have had an abortion. He also tells his mother, sister, and brother in law that I am completely insane and mentally unstable. He has made his mother believe that I am crazy. It all makes me so depressed. The only one I have on my side for support is my father and my father has his own set of worries and problems. I feel like I just add on to his problems. My father does not want to raise my son and he doesnt have to, but it angers me when my sons father says to me," Why doesnt your Dad help out with our son?" Basically, he wants his mom and my dad to raise his children. So I am a single parent. It is a full time job. I also suffer from depression and anxiety. One thing I have learned is that I cant change the way my sons father thinks. I want him to love our son, but he doesnt. He has never formed a bond with our now three year old and probably wont ever. I am a very sweet and pretty woman. I never imagined I would be dealt these cards in life. I am alone. My friends have all left me because they got sick of hearing about how much I hate my sons father and what a jerk he is. This has been going on for almost 8 years. I hope that I can muster up the courage to move on. I have a very low self esteem because of being a single parent. Like I am unworthy of having a partner in life or something. I am so tired and am trying to stay strong and be a good role model for my child. I am so paranoid about what my neighbors and old friends and even my sons teachers and staff think of me because I am a single mom and because my sons dad spread so many rumors that I am completely crazy. I am also co dependent, but am so alone. So that is my depressing life story. | |
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