I guess you could say that my life was never really happy.
Everything went really wrong when i was five and i told that my older brother had
done things to me that i knew even then were not right.
That's when my mom started her drug addiction, and my dad started being emotionally abusive. I have two younger brothers. Both who i pretty much raised.
i have had to grow up fast learn how to make sure my mom still breathed while she slept and learn how to make my father happy so he wouldn't get mad. I went to school everyday and got A's, while managing a very hard home life. But it seems as i got older, my ability to keep it all together vanished. When i was 11 years old my mom finally left my dad for the third and last time and we moved to Florida, so she could go to rehab. I lived with my aunt for 1 and half school years. She home schooled her kids so we were too. When i was almost 13 my mom graduated her program and we moved into a homeless shelter for women and children. the two or three years we lived there we so difficult. When i turned 14 i was admitted to the mental ward of the hospital for being suicidal. i was so desperate to stop the hurt that seemed to consume my entire being, i just wanted it all to stop. I got bullied at school for not being skinny, my mom has always expected so much from me, i was expected to deal with the divorce of my parents her drug addiction and the trauma of living where we did. Fast forward two years later and here i am sitting at my computer writing my sob story. I'm 16 years old and i have never had a true friend. I have no one to talk to about the stress in my life. i practically dropped out of school. i had stopped public school to be home schooled but i guess i always knew it would never work. So now i'm basically a house wife raising to kids, while dealing with the whispers of everyone around me trying to decide my age. I am 16 years old but i act and look like i could be 18. I have kept in contact with my dad for the past 5 years since we left but that was not one of my best ideas i just caused my self more pain and disappointment. Still dealing with everything from my past from my present and what i know is coming in my near future i feel like i'm drowning in my own failure as a person. I'm still dealing with my depression and my suicidal thoughts. Everything i have done in my life was for everyone else, I have given up so many things in life to make sure that my brothers were taken care of so that my mom could work so that we could survive. The only thing i feel like i have accomplished in life is all my failures. | |
But your mom, even though she fkd up with the drugs was very courageous to stop and go to rehab. She was further courageous to take back her children and endure homelessness. it must have been very scary.If you father was emotionally abusive to his own children, imagine how bad it must have been for her.
Right now you should consider getting your GED. There are free training programs like job corps and americorps for kids your age. I don't know how that would work with the ft babysitting and not being able to go away. If nothing else try to find a part time job that works with your mothers schedule. You have to start building up your own life outside of your home responsibilities, you have to. This is the hardest period of your life. You are taking on adult responsibilities, things that are hard for a couple twice your age.
Kids grow up fast, it may seem like forever but it's not. Hang in there and keep your head above water. Don't overexert yourself either, your mental health is more important. But make plans and take tiny steps.
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