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just me

Posted by at February 21, 2012
Tags: 2012 February  Loneliness

Wow! I simply cannot believe all the stories that I've read on this site. Its incredible. I feel this way because so many of these posts seem to be talking about MY life. I sometimes have thought that I'm the only one going through this. Realistically, I do know that I'm not the only one, but....I dont know. I cant really explain it. But whatever the case, it really makes me sad to know that there are so many others in the same boat as me. I've always thought to myself that I would not wish my life on anyone. Sadly, some of you are already living it.

As for me, I am in my early 40's and have not experienced love. I've loved. I just have not been loved in return. I really long for companionship. Not just the companionship of a significant other, but companionship in every way. I spend so much of my time alone. If it were not for work, my life would be completely solitary. What really gets me down is the fact that I have honestly done all that I know to do to change my situation. But I fear that being alone for so long has made me a bit socially inept. My life pretty much consists of me and my pets. If I did not have them, I dont know what I'd do. Just the thought of not having them is unbearable.

I have a hard time with being lonely because, as mentioned, I know within in my heart that I've done so much to try to change this. I've put myself in situations that I felt would result in some type of bonding with others. For example, I go to the dog park and hang out wherever there are the most people. I figured I'd try to make contact with others that have similar interest..... I mean, its the dog park!! I use to go to museums, out to dinner (alone), to meetups, anywhere that I felt there would be lots of people to make contact with. None of these efforts have proved useful or given me the results that I so desire. What makes this even worse is the fact that I actually do have some really great qualities and a great background. Meaning, I have an awesome sense of humor and I love to laugh. I also have a few educational degrees under my belt, I'm intelligent and I'm really quite pretty. These are not things/traits that I talk about.... that would be a turnoff, I'm sure. My point is simply that I am these things and yet, I cant buy a date or a friend. I dont understand it, and I guess I never will since this has been my life for quite some time now. I know within my heart that I've done all that I know to do, so to that end.... I guess this type of life is all that I get.

As of a few months ago, I made the decision to stop trying and to start accepting. That was hard to do, so my coping mechanism is to suppress. I dont think about the state of my life unless it cannot be avoided... or unless I come across a site like this one. :-) I hate that so many of us are in this situation. I hope that things will change for all of you. Life was not meant to be lived alone. At least, I dont believe that to be the case. There are millions of people in this world and no one should be in it alone if being alone is not what one wants.

I've pretty much thrown in the towel, but will remain optimistic for all of you. Good luck to all of you from the bottom of my heart.


New Comment

By anonymous at 28,Feb,12 20:00

I identfy alot with what you said. People have become socially retarded in the past 2 decades. My parents met in a park. Does that happen anymore? I was in the park in NYC in the evening and there were people sitting on benches but all of them were looking into little square devices. I once shook someones had in the mall randomly, this guys face lit up, he seemed so genuinely happy but I was just pranking him with a big gob of hand lotion, anyways...people really want to be talked to. Sometimes it's you who has to do the approaching.

By anonymous at 28,Feb,12 23:51

I too can identify with what you said, everything you said and was thinking to myself, wow thats so much like me. Its like the older you get the harder it is to make friends. I spend a lot of my time alone too. I feel so socially awkward, yet theres nothing wrong with me, I dont believe, and have close to the same qualities you have. I dont know, I just want you to know that youre not alone, and I too just have my dog, without her I dont know what I'd do either.

By anonymous at 29,Feb,12 06:30

I am turning 44...I'm attractive, outgoing, friendly, I had a great career and I don't have a single friend these days. Not one. Its been 4 yrs now. I wish I was joking. My parents are dead, I have no other family.
I was a whistleblower and my career is trashed. And I won, LOL. No one tells you the real price you pay in the end. And no, winning doesn't mean you get a bunch of $. Some days I wake up and don't know where my life went, whose crappy life did I wake up in? I too try to do the right things to meet people, no luck so far. I am nearly giving up as well.

Anyway, that's my world, For what it is worth, I know how lonely it can be ((hugs)).
By anonymous at 29,Feb,12 22:12

I have no friends too! Cheers!

By anonymous at 29,Feb,12 15:45

I am 17 and have been through more things than most people will in their whole lives, I have tried to be happy but all I find myself doing is telling people im tired when in reality I'm alone and lost. I hate talking to professionals because I feel stupid and I don't understand how you can just start accepting. I don't want to be alone anymore...

By anonymous at 29,Feb,12 19:17

I'm 26 years old, beautiful, smart, funny and alone. I have never really had a boyfriend except one that took all my friends, my church, my faith, my self esteem and a big part of my sense of identity away from me when we broke up 7 years ago... he was incredibly manipulative and quite convincing so he succeeded in doing what the world had tried to do for over a decade, before i met him i had been beaten,ignored, teased, raped, abandoned (by friends not my family) and just mainly quite severly bullied for nine years but I was still strong and quite confident i who I was... he took that away from me.. now I have new friends (at least a few), my faith is recovering and i have gotten most of my self esteem and my sense of identity back... but I am still lonely, and now I am somehow stigmatized because I was single for seven years and because I'm still a virgin (he was a devoted christian and so was I meaning no sex before marriage)... I have no idea what to do to not be alone anymore... the most annoying part is that I am beautiful enough to always attract comments like "it is always the beautiful that get married first so you won't be single for long" and admiring looks from men (most of them are middle aged though)and sexy enough to make men my age want to fuck me (they tell me so and not very politely either) but they never want to date me...
With that said I maybe do know a way for you to break your loneliness even if might not be the most romantic way, try to join a datig agency or become a member of a dating website (I have done so myself but can't afford anything that costs money), preferably one where they help you find a good match... hopefully you will find someone there, today it is easier to find people online than in the real world, so many of us are alone but we don't know how to talk to each other anymore... a lot of people go to websites to find help, maybe your match is there? just don't give up please.. no one should be alone!

By anonymous at 29,Feb,12 23:27

I could have written this myself. Sometimes it seems so crazy, when you truly can't understand why it seems like everyone else can find somebody and you can't. what is really so awful about you/me? not perfect, but neither is anybody else. What really gets me, though, is how many guys out there want to use me in superficial ways, pretending like I'm not a real person, but none are really interested in knowing me. That can hurt really bad because it makes you feel like there must be something intrinsically wrong with *you*. Like, what's worse than everyone thinking you look ugly on the outside? Everyone thinking you look ugly on the inside. Like the world is telling you you're ugly on the inside. Even though I know it's not true, I am a caring and smart and fun person, and I have had many good friends for that reason,etc... Still, the world throwing that judgement in your face over and over can be pretty hard to take.

I've thrown in the towel as well, though I'm younger than you. And as sad as that is, I really can't see where I'm wrong to do so. This world is filled with people who don't care about you, only what they can take from you. Looking for diamonds in the toilet is just going to leave you stinky and covered in $#!%. There are no diamonds in there. The only thing that keeps coming back to bother me is .... that I am so alone. And that's never what I wanted for myself. I always, when I was younger, thought that one day I would find a place for myself, where I really fit and mattered, in a group, in a relationship, somewhere. But it's becoming more and more apparent that's not how it works. So I'm working on just dealing with it too, though I know it will just get harder as time goes on. Now I still have family members and youngish friends who are mostly busy but do notice my existence every once in a while, and that's something. When I am 75 years old, there will be no one to help take care of me or care at all that I'm alive. Even if I know that people suck, I'm still a human, and like you said, life was not meant to be lived alone.... except I guess maybe it was.

By anonymous at 01,Mar,12 02:15

OK, let see you ready do your best to go out. I do love to meet someone like you, are you ready to go out. Hope to meet you one day

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