Wow! I simply cannot believe all the stories that I've read on this site. Its incredible. I feel this way because so many of these posts seem to be talking about MY life. I sometimes have thought that I'm the only one going through this. Realistically, I do know that I'm not the only one, but....I dont know. I cant really explain it. But whatever the case, it really makes me sad to know that there are so many others in the same boat as me. I've always thought to myself that I would not wish my life on anyone. Sadly, some of you are already living it.
As for me, I am in my early 40's and have not experienced love. I've loved. I just have not been loved in return. I really long for companionship. Not just the companionship of a significant other, but companionship in every way. I spend so much of my time alone. If it were not for work, my life would be completely solitary. What really gets me down is the fact that I have honestly done all that I know to do to change my situation. But I fear that being alone for so long has made me a bit socially inept. My life pretty much consists of me and my pets. If I did not have them, I dont know what I'd do. Just the thought of not having them is unbearable.
I have a hard time with being lonely because, as mentioned, I know within in my heart that I've done so much to try to change this. I've put myself in situations that I felt would result in some type of bonding with others. For example, I go to the dog park and hang out wherever there are the most people. I figured I'd try to make contact with others that have similar interest..... I mean, its the dog park!! I use to go to museums, out to dinner (alone), to meetups, anywhere that I felt there would be lots of people to make contact with. None of these efforts have proved useful or given me the results that I so desire. What makes this even worse is the fact that I actually do have some really great qualities and a great background. Meaning, I have an awesome sense of humor and I love to laugh. I also have a few educational degrees under my belt, I'm intelligent and I'm really quite pretty. These are not things/traits that I talk about.... that would be a turnoff, I'm sure. My point is simply that I am these things and yet, I cant buy a date or a friend. I dont understand it, and I guess I never will since this has been my life for quite some time now. I know within my heart that I've done all that I know to do, so to that end.... I guess this type of life is all that I get.
As of a few months ago, I made the decision to stop trying and to start accepting. That was hard to do, so my coping mechanism is to suppress. I dont think about the state of my life unless it cannot be avoided... or unless I come across a site like this one. :-) I hate that so many of us are in this situation. I hope that things will change for all of you. Life was not meant to be lived alone. At least, I dont believe that to be the case. There are millions of people in this world and no one should be in it alone if being alone is not what one wants.
I've pretty much thrown in the towel, but will remain optimistic for all of you. Good luck to all of you from the bottom of my heart.