I've been married nearly 13 years. I feel like my husband despises me and that I can't do or say anything right for him. It hasn't always been this way. Though he has always made me feel slightly less-than him and his family; they are all graduate degree holders and there are no divorces in his family. My family is the opposite: no one went to college besides me and everyone has been married and divorced. Except me as this is my one and only marriage.
I work part-time as a nurse, go to college full-time, do the majority of the chores around the house, do the grocery shopping, and drive our sons to soccer and swimming lessons several times each week. I feel busy. Too busy.
But, my husband works full-time (from home, so there is absolutely no time/stress spent commuting) and makes a lot more money than me. His schedule with work is flexible whereas mine is not. He constantly makes me feel like I don't do enough, that I'm not smart enough, that I don't contribute enough to this relationship.
I am not sure that I can contribute more. I don't know what to do.
My husband is not violent, he doesn't yell (often), and is a very involved daddy to our sons. But he's snarky. He says things that cut right to my core. Not very often, but enough that my self-esteem just completely sucks. I can never feel like I'm "good enough" for him.
So, do I tell myself that what I'm feeling must come from some childhood trauma and that I cannot blame my husband for being the way he is. Do I stay? Or do I walk away? How do I know when it is bad enough to walk away from this relationship? Where is the line? Is it just a level of sadness that I reach when I will know that it is time to go? Or do I stick it out because things are usually pretty good, or at least pretty okay. Is it worth breaking up our family just so I can feel more worthwhile? How do I know that my sadness, my emptiness, will resolve if I leave this relationship? How do I know that this marriage is taking more from me than it is giving?
I am just so confused. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. | |
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