Hey,
Thought if I was gonna let it out, I wouldn't bore my mates. I'd bore you.
Basically my life just plummeted real fast.
I had been with my girlfriend for 7 years, typical shit happened in that time. We broke up several times for short periods, we had great times, we had terrible times.
I got her pregnant (5 years in), she got an abortion (agreed on).
In some space afterwords roughly six months or so, I bought a house for us, the whole whack payed.
It was a pretty nice house.
Jumping a further 6 months on she just for some reason couldn't cope with anything.
Primarily she couldn't cope, with us. she broke up with me like ever other week, but we worked it out.
The unbearable stress was of course driving me nuts.
And I'll always remember the day I was shredded.. One night she broke up with me again and went to her mates house (quite conveniently she had also recently split with her partner).
I was having a beer with the lads havin a flick through Facebook on my phone, and she and he mate had put pictures up of them both playing strip poker with a few lads. The pictures were, to say the least graphic.
Naturally this was kind of the first of blow of many to come, as unfortunately the higher you are, the further you fall. I had what I would like to consider "It All". Great job, great salary. A house - Payed for. (had) A girlfriend that was amazing not only socially, but intimately and sexually awesome. Fitness..
I left the house that night and went to my mates. And I've been there since. Don't get me wrong. I'm a strong guy. Mentally ("was" would probably have been more effective there). My friend doesn't have a job currently and is living in a council property getting council payment benefits or "Dole" as us Brits may refer it as.
I have, in the past six months since moving out. Given up on pretty much everything. I don't even want the house.. It's tainted. I've lost my job and been made redundant with quite frankly fuck all payment from it.. Something around the area of £3500. Now considering I made that just over £2800 a month and have worked there for 8 years is an absolute insult.
I'm now pretty much broke and have for absolutely no reason visited my teenage years have hooked myself back into pot and when I say hooked I mean like I'm smoking like a hell of a lot of it..
Life just didn't get any better for me and still hasnt, unfortunate to say I'm my own worst enemy.
This is my rant just to get it out there for all those zero to hero to zeros - you can't miss what you never had. But I had it all. And I've got to be honest I have no pride left, no money, I don't want to look or or go back to the house to see her or even the memorabilia. But awkwardly still love her. I miss abssolutely everything that I had regardless of the events. I'd definitely take her back. But I moved away and just isolated myself for such a long time, I wouldn't know where to begin?
I've lost my playerness-ness-ness or whatever - I actually think that's down to me not actually wanting anyone else in a backward way.
Fuck it I'm boring myself now
Anyway - kinda wounded at the moment.
Peace out - not said that since I was 18
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