My life has always been a living hell, my childhood was horrible, and I can't remember one happy memory from it at all, I was always chubby so in school I was bullied and traumatized, every, single, day. School was HELL, pure hell.
Until I dropped out at the age of 14 because I couldn't handle it anymore. At home I had 3 older brothers who always bullied me growing up, a father who didn't think girls should go fishing with him and my brothers every night, I was suppossed to stay home and do chores. I had no friends, not one. At age 14 my oldest brother produced a child, then went to prison for drugs, and his flake of a gf left the child with my parents. Well, my mom had to work, and my father had more "important" stuff to do than to raise another child, so guess who got to be the "babysitter"?. More like a mother, I had to take care of her every single day, and play the role of a mother, and housekeeper, at age 14, until I was 21 and finally moved out, My teenage years waisted raising my brothers kid, playing mom and housekeeper, and chatting on the internet with my "only friends". In which one hellacious online dating relationship with a married man scarred me for life. So there I was, an emotionaly fucked up, 300lb teenager, diagnosed with depression and bi-polar, and social anxiety disorder, alone, no friends, parents didn't want me, raising someone elses kid, God hated me, I was sure of it. fast forward a few years and now I am married to a man who is 20yrs older than me and is so much like my own stupid father it makes me sick. Out of desperation for love I settled for the first man who'd take me, and now, here I sit, 1 year into the marriage. Depressed....sad...alone....miserable. He wont have sex with me, ever, claims he cant get it up. He acts like he settled for me, not the other way around. He burps and farts like a cow. He lost his job and now we have no income, and nobody will hire him. life sucks. so bad, its one thing after another. God hates me, of this I am sure. I am now 29yrs old, 315pnds, and cannot loose weight nomatter how hard I try, I hate my life. this is been the most waisted life ever. And I see nothing ever being good in my life. I will die never experienjcing the thing people call "happiness".