I'm worthless. As long as I remember, I had nothing to live for. My old man even told me himself that I was a mistake, I wasn't planned. I was molested at the age of 5 by a prostitute that my father brought home with him. I was a fat kid throughout my childhood and teenage life. In fact I havent completely lost the entire weight. I never had friends and I was an emotional eater. Food became sanction agains the outside world. I never cared much for the ideals, Values, thoughts of other people. I was such an innocent young boy. But life wouldn't have it that way for long. Through years of systematic child abuse and negligence I've grown hateful and cynical. Until now. I'm 20 of age and I could care less if the entire world were to be engulfed in flames. In fact, I think I would love to set it afire myself. I hate everyone and everything. I have no friends, No family and no future. Im flunking in college as well. Cant't say that matters much now anyways. I dont intent to live very long. I'm still a virgin by the way and I never had a proper girlfriend or companion. The first woman that showed any interest in my life crushed my heart and left me bleeding at the sides. The second woman which also showed minute interest in my worthless existence just made out with another guy and completely crushed any hopes that we would be together. There...The grand scheme of my romantic life. The only 2 women in my entire life have completely destroyed my soul. That is to say, What's left of it. I often compare myself to Morrissey, Singer from The Smiths. In contrast watching him talking about his childhood....It's very reminiscent of my own. Funnily enough, I had an asexual phase too. That is probably from the hopelessness that my mind inhibits of knowing I can never really have someone to call my own. Strolling through parks after midnight that perhaps is the reason that keeps me going. It's a sort of perfect melancholy. Seeing all these happy couples holding hands merrily roaming the streets...It's a vicarious thing. Knowing all too well that I will never be this happy, It's almost a relief. As for now, I will go on and live the rest of my miserable life or what's remaining of it.
Farewell cruel world.