LIFE SUCKS

Every year gets worse..

Ok so this is my story from going from riches to rags and what my future is now and what it could have been. I cant give every detail because it will be a book. So my Mom and Dad got divorced when I was real young. I was around 8. My Dad had a vending machine business which he had over 2000 vending machines. Money was never an issue during this time. Being a kid around this time was great. We celebrated all holidays and christmas was great as a kid. My brother and I was suppose to take over my parents vending machine business when we got older but my dad made bad decisions that ruined all of this. It all started when my dad started to beat my mom in front of my brother and I. It was very scary when this happened because we lived on a few acres of land and no neighbors and these beatings would happen at night where we had no where to run. My mother is a small vietnamese woman and my dad was pretty well built and he was a Marine officer in the military. My dad would hurt my mother by drgging her, cussing at her, throwing things at her, throwing her on the ground, picking her up by her throat against the wall, and I still remember the night when he pointed a gun to my mom's head and asked her what guns do to people when she was on her knees crying. When all of this started to happen my mom found out that my dad was having an affair with another woman. When all of this started to happen my sister (which is not related to my dad) told my mom that my father raped my sister over the years when she was living with us and this is when my mother decided to get a divorce and file these charges against my father. My mother took my brother and I and moved to another state where we had family without my father knowing where we went. My father eventually found us after 2 years when he hired a private investigator to find us. He tried to get custody of my brother and I but he was facing the rape charges and eventually got convicted of this and has been in prison for 10 years now. I havent seen my father since I was 12 and I am now 24. After my mother got the divorce my mother had to find a real job. She started to do nails and it payed ok but we couldnt live like we used too. My mom did the best she could to raise up two boys and I am proud of her but it was difficult for her and for my brother and I. Money was always a big issue and always had to think about money so we werent able to live a life like most american kids I guess. We stopped celebrating holidays because it cost money and we just didnt have it. As young kids my brother and I tried to cut grass and wash neighbors cars to make a little bit of extra money. As we got older my younger brother went down the wrong path and hung out with the wrong crowd and now has some felony convictions. As for me I was on a great path and I made one bad choice because I wanted to help out my mom financially to pay for bills since she lost her job and was unemployed for a little while. I was in college and had one class left to get my associates degree and was about to join the Air Force and when my mom lost her job we was about to lose the house so I had to do something to keep a roof over our head. I tried my best to find a second job since my job that I had couldnt pay half the bills. Unfortunately I couldnt find a second job and we were getting real close to being homeless and my friend saw what was coming and saw my frustration and depression because of this and asked me if I wanted to deliver weed for money. I decided to do it until my mother found a job and did it and got busted by the police. I got probation and had to pay some fines but got a felony conviction and now I cant join the military and no one is willing to give me a job. I messed up all because I wanted to help my mother and my family. I have been with my first love for 7 years and I feel like all because of this conviction it has taken everything away from me. I feel like breaking up with her because I feel like I cant give her a family and become a good hard working husband all because of a stupid marijuana charge. Now my brother and I live with my mom because we cant support our selves because no one wants to give us a chance for employment. Oh and my brother and I dont even talk to each other. Were not even friends. We just live with each other because we got to. My mother is now is her 60's and I dont know what to do because once she passes away, which I hope to god isnt soon, I dont know what will happen to my brother and I since we cant find employment because of a back ground check! I have been very depressed and I just want to die. Its crazy what money can do to people. Ive been trying my best to move on from this. I have my associates degree and will start to go to school to become an electrician soon. I just hope after I am certified that I can find a job and that my employer will give me a chance so I can take care of myself and maybe be able to take care of my mom and finally let her retire and relax. All I can say is that it just seems every year that goes by life just gets worse. So please anyone who reads this please pray for me and my family to maybe one day we can see a better day where we are all just happy and stress free. Thank you for everyone who reads this.