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My life is a joke

Posted by amina at February 25, 2012
Tags: 2012 February  Relationship

Im 19 with my own place and am a full time mom and student.. Not that bad right? Wrong. I grew up in foster care where I bounced around from group home to group home because my moms crack addiction and boyfriends were more important than her kids, I fell madly in "love" at 14 with my ex and got pregnant at 15 with my daughter who for unexplained reasons was born blind, with an underdeveloped cerebellum and hydrocephalus, so on top of trying to be 19 and a mom I have a million more responsibilities with a special needs kid and no parents to help or show me good parenting. My life has slowly started going down hill faster since last July, I got scammed out of my car, I failed a semester in school, my daughter has been in and out of the hospital, her dad rarely helps, my self esteem is shot because I've gone from 115lbs to 134 and can't get rid of it, my most recent ex put his hands on my daughter and got locked up, and even tho I reported it and removed him from the picture, people were judging me and writing horrible things about me online in blogs, now child protective services is up my ass weekly even tho I do everything for my daughter she has never wanted for anything in life an I make sure of that, I'm still paying for his mess up.. Every time I have a babysitter all I want to do is binge drink so I don't remember anything and can escape reality for just a moment, I think I'm ugly now, I feel lonely, and no one my age that I know has experienced anything remotely close to what my life has been like. Every single time something good happens, there is always an asterisk following the sentence with nothing but bad news, or another obstacle for me to jump through... I just want a dad for my daughter and a real man to be in my life so I can have that family I never had growing up, I want to move away from everyone and start over, I want no one to know who I am, so no one can judge me from my bad mistakes I've made, or even better... I wish I had thought twice about having a baby so young- maybe if I had I could have ended this pathetic life without leaving behind something too precious alone in this world like I was left.


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