I am 27 years old and perpetually lonely. I recently moved back home to my parents so I can focus full time on my acting career without the worries of rent. Moving back here has made me feel even more isolated and alone. I have friends, good friends. But I don't believe in the friendship unless I am physically with them. I spend literally hours on facebook looking at friend's profiles, getting jealous of every photo or status update. I know that if I was in trouble, if I was sad, I'd have numerous people to call, man who would come and pick me up. I was in a play recently and almost 20 friends came to see me. I am not alone, so why do I feel like I am?
I used to go out a lot, at one it got up to even 4 or 5 nights a week. This went on from when I was 18 until about 2 years ago when I turned 25. I still go out sometimes but nowhere near as much. I think I got so used to it, and met so many people I was so desperate to impress and become friends with. Now the parties are over and I feel like I'm left with nothing, which is ridiculous. I have my career, which is really in its fledgling stage thanks to the fact that I only started focusing properly on it in the last year or so. Why is it so easy for me to sit at home and mope around feeling sorry for myself and so hard for me to do the right thing and focus on my career?
I'm aware that I may be depressed as these feelings of loneliness are uncontrollable a lot of the time despite the fact that I know they are false. I feel like I am constantly fighting a battle with myself to stay focused and positive. Sleep is the hardest thing in the world right now and I know that onl makes things worse.
Time has already gone by so quick and so many wonderful things have happened to me. Its only after the happened that I realise how wonderful they were. I don't want to waste any more time. | |
They say even if your dreams fail, you'll feel proud you gave it your all to accomplish them.
But, if you put your all into your dreams, and failed, knowing you tried your best won't mean shit because you'll be broken hearted with nothing left.
You won't be skipping through vale and gale singing about how good it feels to try.
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