I probably should not write this but to hell with it. I am 29 years old i have never had a girlfriend due to getting my butt kicked every day at school and kids calling me a fag or freak every day, the teachers would not let me go on school trips, and when came home from school i was beaten for kicks at night, later i dropped out of school ended up in a half way for depression which messed me up even more due to being surrounded by humans drooling and rocking backing forth talking to them selves. While in the half way house i started using drugs and ended up in 3 different rehabs, followed by jail for 9 months of my life due to aquiring a felony for being at wrong place at the wrong time, after i got out of jail i took the GED and passed, after which i went to college where i was made fun of every day just like when i was a kid, so i decided to start drinking and recieved a stomache viruse + pheunomia was hospitalised and was thrown out of college for missing to many days. Now I live alone i don't have any friends and no one will hire me for a job, i never learned how to drive so traveling is out of the question, the town where i live everyone looks at me and laughs. I once was told by someone to just be my self , but who or what am i exactly, i really don't know, i am so sick of being an outcast and of being alone, all i ever i ever wanted was to be accepted, to know the companionship of a women, to have a good job, kids, a house. But i can see that reaching out was the worst thing i could have done, i should have ended it when i was young and stupid or ran far far away when i had the chance. I feel as though i am numb nothing interests me, i really forget to eat and never leave my apartment somedays because i hate life but i dont kill myself because i know there is no afterlife and partly because i wanna see how much pain and self hatred i can take. | |
first off, i don't know exactly where this town is that you live in. is it rural, suburbs? i am thinking it's not the city. second, it's never too late to learn anything. you can get your license now or even move. and why do people laugh at you? that's stupid and vile. adults looking and laughing at other adults? they have no excuse, they are not kids anymore. i think this town is really holding you back and it's a place where you have bad memories. i don't know your exact financial situation but why not move somewhere else and start all new? it's never too late. i wish i could help you out more. i just don't know your exact situation. please get well and hopefully get something for your depression. i will pray for you. wish you all the best. you can email me if you need to talk nbaz123@hotmail.com
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