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Cannot live my life how I want

Posted by anonymous at February 28, 2012
Tags: 2012 February  Relationship

I'm a 19 year old girl. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little under 3 years, and we are so in love. The problem is, he goes to college two and a half hours away, and we hardly get to spend time together. We try to text, but he's always in class or working. He would always come home during summer break, but this year, he decided to move into an apartment off campus and will be staying there working full time. I'm so excited for him, but it kills me inside to think we won't be able to have our summer together. I have this pit in my stomach that gets so angry, like he's choosing to leave me. He seems so happy about moving, so I want to be happy for him. I just wish I could be there. He keeps asking me to move in with him, which in our situation, I believe would be a good idea. That way, before we get married, I can experience a more normal relationship with him to see if we are truly compatable. However, my mom believes it is a sin to move in together before we get married. She refuses to listen to me if I even mention that I want to move out of town, not even to move in with my boyfriend, but just because I hate the city I live in and want to experience life on my own. She told me she would basically not want to talk to me if I ever move. How am I supposed to look into a serious future with the man I love if I can never be around him? We want to get engaged, but wait til we are in our mid-twenties to get married. We plan on a longer engagement so we do not rush into anything that can lead to a downfall. So basically, I have to chose between strengthening my relationship with my future husband, and risk losing my own mother. Or losing my relationship with my boyfriend, who I truly feel is the one I am supposed to end up with, just so my mother can keep treating me like I'm still a kid, and living the life SHE wants me to have, rather than the one I want to have. I just don't know what to do anymore, and each day, resentment keeps growing inside me. It's simply tearing me apart to know I might lose someone I love just to live my life how I see fit for myself.


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New Comment

By anonymous at 05,Mar,12 23:53

If your mother really cared for you that much, she'd let you go and she would still talk to you. Yes, she may want the best for you and believe that what you are doing isn't good. But, if she would truly turn you away because you want to live your own life and not hurt anyone else, she doesn't deserve to be a parent. Period. You cannot keep living this way forever - being stuck in a small town, especially with the effect it appears to have on the relationship with your boyfriend (it will break your relationship sooner or later). You can't sacrifice yourself for your mother, or you will just hate her anyway. I suggest you get as much out of life as humanly possible. Afterall, life is dangerous - there could be a man with a gun across the road waiting to kill you, you could get run over on your way to work, but you don't know unless you get out there and see for yourself.

By anonymous at 06,Mar,12 08:46

You said you are 19, so go out and live your life. This life will be over sooner than you think, so tell your mom you love her and that you are ready to live YOUR life and you hope she will always be your mother and support you no matter what.

By anonymous at 06,Mar,12 17:41

First, the boyfriend. I know it feels like he has no time for you, but from what you say he actually seems pretty responsible. The problem is that you have more free time than he does right now. It's hard not to feel neglected, but later, if you marry, he'll be working that hard for you... in a way he's working hard for you now. With a degree and a good job you might be able to stay home with your children for a few years if you want to.
*Second: being married is different than just living together. I know it sounds weird, but statistically couples who live together before marriage have a much higher divorce rate. In this your mom has a point. Sure it's immoral, but there's a reason for that. If you want to live together, get married. Think about how cool it will be to have a 75th wedding anniversary party!
*Third: your mom. Honestly, I think she's probably bluffing. Certainly, if you marry and have a child, she will want to know her grandchild. If she's not bluffing, you might be better off finding that out now. Either way your husband needs to come before your family of origin. However, try to understand that she's treating you like a kid because the hardest thing for a mother to do is to let her children go when they're no longer children. The most mature thing you can do is make your own decision and not take her reaction personally... even if it is meant to be taken that way.

By anonymous at 25,Mar,12 23:04

Listen to your mother, she has your best interests at heart.

By Aparecida at 10,Dec,15 16:27

Literally blew me away !. Early early am . Tears your story (yes) This tells me that & it is an affirmation that there is anhteor person that loves life . That is willing to step into the art of inner . Explorer.When you see my art ;you will understd this comment.B

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