I was adopted because my birth mother didn't want me. I'm half Thai, she immigrated from Thailand at 17. I was raised in Washington state and the beginning of my life was pretty good. Around 13 I started running with the wrong people and got involved with drugs, raves, parties, many girls, and illegal activity. I got in a lot of trouble and screwed my life up completely. At the age of 14 I got a felony. I was diagnosed with severe depression and medicated. I was committed to Fairfax psychiatric hospital in Washington for 3 weeks for trying to kill myself. I stabbed myself and then tried to run in front of a train. I've had problems with self harm, some cuts were deep enough to require hospitalization. Some scars are still visible many years later. After discharge from Fairfax I was overly medicated and looking for more trouble. I got involved with distribution of illicit substance. My best friend was arrested for stabbing his step father, and I was on a path to destroy myself. I was arrested after violating probation. I was given the felony I mentioned earlier and then sentenced to detention but I petitioned for CHINS (child in need of services) and was put into a foster home. The foster home was one of the worst places I ever lived. Middle of nowhere leaky trailer home. The floor was covered in dog feces and pee. I wasnt allowed to leave my "room" and the house reeked of many "substances" I hated it so bad I "tried to kill myself" just to get out of there. I was then committed to Fairfax again for another 3 weeks. After that I was returned to the custody of my adoptive parents who the following day had a escort service hand cuff me and take me to a program at which I was detained for 2 years. They shaved my head took my clothes, my shoes, everything I had and threw it away. We were forced to clean all day long, we were beaten by staff and other kids. We were "jumped" into our living spaces. We were fed poorly and I saw many many of my friends there beaten as well as myself. They would strip search you and make you run half naked outside. They would humiliate you in front of everyone. When I finally got out of that absolute nightmare, My parents decided we would move to West Jordan, Utah. I met a girl there who I fell in love with (maybe because I hadn't seen one for two years) and we became very close. After a few months we wanted to be married. (I was 17) I got back to my "regular" self despite having completed Narcotics Anonymous. She ended up getting pregnant and we were both working so we promised to keep the baby. She promised me and said that we could do this, Then one day she called me to tell me she had gotten an abortion. Those words crushed my heart! I couldnt believe what she had done. I know she has control over it but still.. promising me then going and doing that! So i stayed with her anyway, long story short she cheats on me five times and I end up leaving her. I end up moving to cache valley Utah where I now live and I have no friends, no one understands me. I work a slow job, my parents and I will never be the same. Im an adult with no future. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and I have reoccuring flash backs and panic attacks. My mother got cancer. My father is dying from diabetes. Im on a million different meds. I have been on over 20 different meds in the past. I'm alone, im scared. I smoked to much dope. I hatae my life. I just want to die. Nobody Is there for me, and everyone laughs if I ever open up to them because they just tell me to keep it in. | |
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