To be honest some of the stories on here make me feel like i don't have that big a problems and i really don't schools ok works cake and i'm not broke yet but i spend everyday hoping i can throw my self in front of a bus to save a little boy. You know a heroic dead because at this point id rather be fondly remembered than forgotten and lost. How can i be unhappy everyday? how can i stop this dreadful feel? I think suicide is cowardly and i am not a coward. This combined with the lack of heroic death opportunities has left me stuck. I cant leave and i cant find happiness. I've done some research into social disorders and had been diagnosed with ADHD but nothing I've learned,tried, or quit has provided me with the least bit of relief. The last time i can remember being the least bit happy was almost 10 years ago. I haven't formed a stable or meaningful connection with another human being in the last few years. I fake a lot of social norm stuff just to fit in and not seem so crazy but i dislike most of the people i know and i have lost interest in almost everything this world has to offer. I don't even know what drives me to go on anymore?
cold hard facts:
i get payed 40 cents above minimum wage i hate most the people i have to interact with though out the day and i haven't got laid in over a year. i haven't made a new friend in almost 3 years i quit drinking smoking and pot because "there bad for me" but i tell you what i miss than shit pot help me forget shit i couldnt get much done but at least i could laugh booze may make me mean but its about the only way i cant hit on really hot girls and smokes oh man there are bad for me but i miss them sooo much. | |
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I get paid THE min wage. Not a single cent above it!
Therefore....
I'm in college pursuing a degree to BETTER my life...
Hey dude, I feel for ya on the friend tidbit. I haven't really had a real friendship since 2009. Honestly. It might not seem long ago, but it seems like forveer ago too me. The first year or so it felt really strange and now I'm kinda used too it in a strange kind of way. I guess I kind of cope with it by communicating with people online, penpals and such, I guess it sort of fills my social void, Probably not as good as it would in reality but eh whatever.
But ya know it seems to be your minset is applying life in a very external matter. Your looking at everything from the outside, but how about rather starting from the inside-out! Learn about yourself man. Learn how you tick. Take our a freakin peice of paper or a word doc and start writing whats on your mind. Anything. Doodle. Daydream and then write about it. Go to a quiet peaceful location, be it the park or a quiet little spot in your bedroom
I am dead serious about doing this too. You know that you still have yourself. Why not make yourself the change you want to see in the world? why does everything to you have to be "If the world and the people around me can't connect with me then I'll never like life booo make it end" WHY NOT instead stop complaining and formulate a game plain by thinking outside the box?
Get out a freakin' pen and paper and write crap down. Organize your life, what you want out of it, and how your gunna get it on PAPER. nothing like getting your thoughts out on paper. Now We ALL have obstacles in our lives that we must work around too achieve the small goals that lead us to us to our more broader goal.
Your goal could be as simple as "How can I be happy in life" formulate Plan's A B C D or whatever and manage a way to get there. When you are fornate enough to reach your goal, make sure to pass your wisdom down to others who are struggling out there, cause you are not alone man and taking your life is not the answer. Don't give up
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