My husband and I tried for three years to have a baby . Lost two babies before our third decided to stick around. In my third month of pregnancy my husband got diagnosed with AML. A very aggressive type of leukemia. We did months of chemo, spent our savings for the baby on rent for a house that we weren't staying in because we were in a hospital 24/7. Right before the birth of our daughter, my husband was pronounced in remission and life was great. Two years later we decided to try for a second baby. Not being at all sure if baby number two was even a realistic possibility, we tried our best and sure enough baby number two was on the way. Once again in my third month of pregnancy, the CANCER is back. A bone marrow transplant is the only option. There is no donor. We carry on with chemo. Me working full time. Being a mom too a two year old full time, and driving three hours away to the hospital every spare second i had while all the while being very pregnant. We made the decision to stay home. No more hospitals. Our second daughter was born. We named her Vida. Life. We waited for a bone marrow donor but one never came. He got sicker. I was taking care of a two year old, a new born, and my husband. I was running out of maternity leave and money. It was ok though because we had our family and I thought we could beat anything. I loved him so much. I had no idea how hard it was for him to watch me work so hard. Maternity leave ended. He got more sick. I came home from work late one night and he had shot himself in the chest. I found him. He was still warm. I sat in his blood and held him and screamed. My babies don't have their daddy. I don't have my husband. My two year old daughter asks for him every day. I am dead inside but I am still expected to function. I work full time. Im a mom full time. I am so depressed i want to just not wake up. I love my kids. I hate my life.