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painfully alone

Posted by Courtney369 at March 6, 2012
Tags: Attitude  Childhood  Loneliness  2012 March

I'm 26 and stuck scared inside my home. I was molested so much during my childhood that i couldn't speak very well from the stress of it all. To this day I want so bad to smile at someone or tell a stranger hello but I'm so terrified of men I think they want to hit or molest me again so i never stay out for long. I want so bad to be in a relationship or have someone hug me. The bad thing is that im really attractive so people have told me and it only confuses me more. I would give anything to be with a good man and to show him how much I love him for being with me but it won't happen in my life time so I will most likely have to learn to love my own lonliness.


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Similar Entries:
Feeling Sad May 31, 2012
Life Sucks! January 16, 2009
Broken Dreams, Shattered Expectations. March 21, 2012
I Loathe/hate/despise myself April 2, 2012
strangeone September 4, 2011



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Comments:
By anonymous at 09,Mar,12 14:34

I am sorry, I hope you find love. I hope you can let someone close to you, and i hope that person is patient, caring, and kind. I hope your life will be filled with love, joy, and beauty.
By anonymous at 09,Mar,12 15:15

I agree with her/him you will find love just give it time everything will work out.


By at 09,Mar,12 16:21

I know how it is to be in your shoes... I learned it late in life, the truth is fear\loneliness is always going to be with us in different stages. Try to forget the past(I know it is not so easy) but its one life we get,just cant keep crying about something that happened and more over we are not responsible for it...
Keep Smiling, Be happy and Strong like a grown lady. Give support to children who are facing such issues.
And as per Love It will find you or you will find it.


By anonymous at 09,Mar,12 21:26

I don't understand why people say love will find you, as if it's a God given right of passage.
I'm a born-again Christian of 16 years and have not touched a woman in 12 years.
If this God given partner is automatic then i think i would have been given her by now, expecially being tall young looking attractive and of high intellect.
So my first hand opinion is that you have to socialize alot to meet people alot and from that eventually meet a partner.
Courtney feels men are not worth pursuing and she is somewhat right, yet, there are actually some very decent men in the world (most probably in church) so i think Courtney should frequent such places (even Christian social arenas) and eventually someone worthy would show up.
As for me, iv not socialized much as a Christian and therefore i am still alone.


By anonymous at 10,Mar,12 04:07

I would look into getting therapy. You need help with getting over the abuse that has happened to you. It is a complex psychological problem, it will take time but you can overcome.

God Bless


By anonymous at 10,Mar,12 07:25

wow a bunch of meaningless comments to a rather meaningless post. having a partner is not what life is about in some ways you're lucky you won't have to go through a messy divorce or losing a loved one to cancer or another lover. The last post is the only one worth looking at. You'll never be in a healthy relationship unless you treat the cause instead of the symptom. Go on a "date" when you are with people that you know. Try to create a social dynamic that makes you feel secure and willing to approach another person. Surrounded by friends you can take away the fear of being abused and maybe enjoy the quality time that could be spent together by two consensual adults ;)


By Mister B-Don at 10,Mar,12 12:28

This shit is crazy, I've had the same thing happen to me in my childhood. I don't know what your into, but I suggest if you havn't already to get baptized and then figure out what you wan't to do with your life. God allows certain shit to happen to certain people. Why? I don't know. God is perfect so there has to be a valid reason of why he would allow certain things to happen to certain people.


By anonymous at 11,Mar,12 11:01

Ok I have an idea, find a guy who does the same things u do.. works at the same place, is in ur music band, goes to ur school/college.. and just start of as friends. Usually someone who knows ur friends aswell is good :) just remember that not everyone u know will molest u :) Be strong. Get to know the guy slowly as a friend first and then take it slowly, physically.. until ur used to it :D If they say ur attractive say thanks and talk bout something else :) But if they say ur pretty, dont just hang with them because of that reason. :) Like them because they think ur smart or nice or passionate at ur hobbies etc :) Goodluck babe!!!


By araceli3912.myopenid.com at 14,Apr,12 01:03

i too have been molested even raped so im 22 we are close in age dont give up


By agbetsi at 08,Dec,12 15:06

it is a truely smart point of view. I most often meet people who rather say what they suppose others want to hear. Good and well written! I will come back to your site for sure!


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