Everyone has seen the t.v. show hoarders. Mom was a hoarder no bed, no running water,the absolute dirtiest living conditions u can imagine. Dad left but acted like he was still around. He showed up on sundays and took us out to mcdonalds on thursdays. Sent to school as the dirt leg kid. Got my ass kicked on a daily basis. Got a little older found friends through drugs and alcohol. Always knew what I was doing wasnt me. Always wanted to do the right thing. But when I did always was the brunt of everyones jokes. Had train tracks behind the house and used to get drunk and lay on the tracks and dare myself to end the pain. Really tried to go through with it. Got pissed off and started treating people the way I had been treated. Dont give a fuck was my modow What do u know things got better. No good grades, no college, and no real chance. But things got better for me. Step mom got me a union job when I got out of high school so they wouldnt have to pay the child support to my mom. I never got any of it anyway. Found a girl who wanted out of her life as bad as I did. I thought we were in love. Or at least I thought. Got rid of all my friends who were in the lifestyle I no longer wanted. Got married, had a son who is the light of my life. Was the happiest ive ever been. Would have ended it all a long time ago if not for him. Wasnt the be best husband. But hate to quote eminem. "How the fuck are u supposed to grow up when u werent raised." Never hit her or physical abuse but emotionally destroyed her. Needless to say I got divorced from the one person I truly loved. Know I look at her and she sees things the way i once did. "Dont give a fuck." Tried to make things right marriage counseling , presents, and countless apologies. She didnt want any of them. But there is still this little boy in the middle. I send him to school in the clothes and shoes i never had. She sends him back looking like i did when i was a kid.Know I see myself entering the vicious cycle I have once been through. Dont give a fuck. Got a good job. But still I feel myself not caring. Thought I was lonely then. But i was wrong. Now Im the loneliest ive ever been.