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How do i not let him down?

Posted by Supposed to b a father at March 7, 2012
Tags: Juvenile problems  2012 March  Poverty

Everyone has seen the t.v. show hoarders. Mom was a hoarder no bed, no running water,the absolute dirtiest living conditions u can imagine. Dad left but acted like he was still around. He showed up on sundays and took us out to mcdonalds on thursdays. Sent to school as the dirt leg kid. Got my ass kicked on a daily basis. Got a little older found friends through drugs and alcohol. Always knew what I was doing wasnt me. Always wanted to do the right thing. But when I did always was the brunt of everyones jokes. Had train tracks behind the house and used to get drunk and lay on the tracks and dare myself to end the pain. Really tried to go through with it. Got pissed off and started treating people the way I had been treated. Dont give a fuck was my modow What do u know things got better. No good grades, no college, and no real chance. But things got better for me. Step mom got me a union job when I got out of high school so they wouldnt have to pay the child support to my mom. I never got any of it anyway. Found a girl who wanted out of her life as bad as I did. I thought we were in love. Or at least I thought. Got rid of all my friends who were in the lifestyle I no longer wanted. Got married, had a son who is the light of my life. Was the happiest ive ever been. Would have ended it all a long time ago if not for him. Wasnt the be best husband. But hate to quote eminem. "How the fuck are u supposed to grow up when u werent raised." Never hit her or physical abuse but emotionally destroyed her. Needless to say I got divorced from the one person I truly loved. Know I look at her and she sees things the way i once did. "Dont give a fuck." Tried to make things right marriage counseling , presents, and countless apologies. She didnt want any of them. But there is still this little boy in the middle. I send him to school in the clothes and shoes i never had. She sends him back looking like i did when i was a kid.Know I see myself entering the vicious cycle I have once been through. Dont give a fuck. Got a good job. But still I feel myself not caring. Thought I was lonely then. But i was wrong. Now Im the loneliest ive ever been.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 11,Mar,12 15:03

Each day when you wake up- think about your little boy and you pour all your love, sweat, heart, and soul into him! If you are trying to get back together with your wife and she doesn't want anything to do with you, I would say move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
But look on the bright side- you have a good job!
Having a job is a lot more than what most people on here have...
You will find love again- when you are happy with yourself... try it and see-


By Steve at 19,Mar,12 10:27

You are not lonely if you have your boy. As crazy as it sounds, you are fortunate for having gone through hell when you were younger, because you can avoid the mistakes your parents made with you. If you can raise your child the opposite way your parents raised you, then that cycle will be broken. I think you have a good head on your shoulders and you're going to do great things.


By anonymous at 30,Sep,12 17:55

you fuckn fucked up faggot why did you bring a kid into this world with some dumb bitch that cant give a shit.
hitler had a cosy gas chamber for you loser druggies.
kill the kid and yourself already.
you fucking piece of shit


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